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If this which I endure

إن كان هذا الذي أكابده

1. If this which I endure
Remains with me, I shall not be patient

١. إِن كانَ هَذا الَّذي أُكابِدُهُ
يُبقى عَلَيَّ فَلَستُ أَصطَبِرُ

2. I am not of stone nor am I ashes
I am but as you see, human

٢. ما أَنا مِن حَجَرٍ وَلا مَدَرِ
ما أَنا إِلّا كَما تَرى بَشَرُ

3. I have a delicious drink, but
A bitterness from the soul mixes with it, bitterness

٣. لي مَشرَبٌ سائِغٌ فَكَدَرُهُ
شوبٌ مِنَ النَفسِ خَلَطَهُ كَدَرُ

4. Bitter in taste, and though its roughness
Without it, there would be the tomb and patience

٤. مُرُّ المَذاقِ وَإِن غَصَتهُ
مِن دونِها يَكُنِ الضَريحَ وَالصَبرُ

5. I shall complain of you to those who
Are to me as vapor when sight ends

٥. لَأَشتَكيكَ إِلى الَّذينَ هُم
عِندي الهَباءُ إِذا اِنتَهى النَظَرُ

6. If I was once tired by the decree of a visitant
So now from it to you I apologize

٦. إِن مِلتَ يَوماً بِحُكمِ طارِقَةٍ
فَالآنَ مِنها إِلَيكَ أَعتَذِرُ

7. None is there but You, and the veil upon
Types in whose bodies they were confined

٧. ما ثَمَّ غَيرَكَ وَالحِجابُ عَلى
طَوائِفِ في جُسومِهِم حَصَروا

8. Those who fall short, if they knew
What the gnostics knew, they would not blame

٨. أولَئِكَ القاصِرونَ لَو عَلِموا
ما عَلِمَ العارِفونَ ما عَذَروا

9. As if above this nonexistence
They did not exist or as if they were buried

٩. كَأَنَّ مِن فَوقِ هَذِهِ عَدَمٌ
لَم يوجِدوا أَو كَأَنَّهُم قَبَروا

10. Witnessed in the heart I witness them
From the interior of knowledge, sight falls short of it

١٠. مَشاهِداً بِالفُؤادِ أَشهَدُها
مِن باطِنِ العِلمِ دونَها النَظَرُ

11. So bounty if they believe and if they thank
And might if they deny and if they disbelieve

١١. فَالجودُ إِن آمَنوا وَإِن شَكَروا
وَالقَهرُ إِن كَذَبوا وَإِن كَفَروا

12. And justice if they torment and if they violate
And grace if they have mercy and if they cover up

١٢. وَالعَدلُ إِن عَذَّبوا وَإِن هَتَكوا
وَالفَضلُ إِن رَحَموا وَإِن سَتَروا

13. I do not ignore the wisdom which has appeared
In the context of their creation, nor do I neglect

١٣. لا أَجهَلُ الحِكمَةَ الَّتي بَرَزَت
في ضِمنِ إِيجادِهِم وَلا أَذَرُ

14. To the doctrine of compulsion and withdrawal is a refuge
So both doctrines are harmful

١٤. لِجيرِ وَالاِعتِزالِ مَطرَحٌ
فَالمَذهَبانِ كِلاهُما ضَرَرُ

15. I negate and affirm without bothering
With the words of him who says if this occurs

١٥. أَنفي وَأَثبَتَ غَيرَ مُكتَرِثٍ
بِقَولِ مَن قالَ إِن ذا خَطَرُ

16. And the straight path its verses have taken away
The clear text of the Book and the explicit tradition

١٦. وَالمَذهَبُ المُستَقيمِ أَذهَبَهُ
نَصُّ الكِتابِ وَصَرحُ الخَبَرُ

17. It has disposed certainty and pure knowledge
To the elite of witnesses and the general foreordaining

١٧. صَرَفَ اليَقينَ وَمَحضَ مَعرِفَةَ
خَصِّ الشُهودِ وَعَمَمِ القَدَرُ

18. I do not let doubt enter the home of my beliefs
Which ignorance has covered or subtlety has perforated

١٨. لا أَدخُلَ الشَكَّ بَيتَ مُعتَقِدي
أَغلَفَهُ أَو تَدُقَّهُ الغِيَرُ

19. This which because of it my soul despair
And bitterness became its companion

١٩. هَذا الَّذي مِن أَجلِهِ جَزَعَت
نَفسي وَصارَ قَرينُها الضَجَرُ

20. O my refuge! I do not say in discomfort
Rather I do not cease to need You

٢٠. يا مُلجِئي لا أَقولُ في حَرَجٍ
بَل لا أَزالُ إِلَيكَ مُفتَقَرُ

21. I have gone with folly if You turn me back
And You have disposed me to pride if I boast

٢١. ذَهَبتُ بِالحُمقِ إِن رَوَيتَ وَقَد
صَرَفَتني في الوُدِّ أَفتَخِرُ

22. My garment is humility as long as I live
As I have become clothed in my incapacity

٢٢. رِدائي الذُلُّ ما حَييتُ كَما
أَنّي بِعَجزي أَصبَحتُ مُتَّزِرُ

23. It describes the servants and I do not abandon it
Sufficient with it and dependent upon it

٢٣. وَصَفَ العَبيدَ وَلا أُفارِقُهُ
حَسِبَ بِهِ وَعَلَيهِ أَقتَصِرُ

24. O Lord, O my hope and my support
My victorious defender, my refuge, my mighty aide

٢٤. يا رب يا أملي ويا عضدي
يا ناصري يا ملاذي يا وزر

25. How many bounties and graces You have
And how many sublime gifts You possess

٢٥. كم لك من منة ومن نعم
وكم لك من مواهب غرر

26. If my life had been as long as time and passed
In gratitude, wariness would surpass it

٢٦. لو كان عمري عمر الدنا ومضى
في الشكر كان يفوقه الحذر

27. You treated me with kindness in the beginning
You made me nobility while I had no trace

٢٧. عاملتني بالجميل مبتدئاً
جعلتني أثراً وما أثر

28. The tempting music nearly held me back
Had you not repelled it with knowledge and contemplation

٢٨. ما كادت الغانيات توقفني
إلا زوتها العلوم والفكر

29. Nor did the damned one come to tempt me
Except you pelted him from on high with burning projectiles

٢٩. ولا أتاني اللعين يفتنني
إلا رماه من العلا شرر

30. To God belong mysteries in His creation
That cannot be enumerated or discerned by sight

٣٠. لله في خلقه سرائر لا
تحصى ولا تهتدي لها البصر

31. For the secret of a people made worthy to carry it
How many news items met their confidant

٣١. لسر قوم لحمله صلحوا
كم من خبر نصيبه الخبر