أقولُ مَلِلْتها .. وأَعودُ شوقاً

كأني ما عَشِقْت .. ولا ملِلْتُ

I say I'm weary of it, yet I return, longing,

As if I've never loved, never grown weary.

بلى وكأنني لم أَثنِ منها

أَماليدَ الغُصون .. ولا أَمَلْت

But no! As if I've never praised

Its bending boughs, never wished.

ولا سالت بأكؤسها دِهاقاً

معطرةَ الحِفافِ .. ولا أَسَلْت

Never let its cups pour freely

Fragrant to the lips, never wished to drink.

ولم أَعكُفْ على مَرْضَى جُفونٍ

ولم أبرأ بِهنّ .. ولا اعتللت

Never bent over sickly lids,

Healed by them, never weakened myself.

مضتْ عشرٌ وعامانِ استقلا

وما استعفيتُهَنَّ .. ولا استقلت

Ten years slipped by, and two, independently,

Without asking leave, gaining independence.

تَقَوَّل ما يشاءُ خبيثُ طبعٍ

بَلوتُ طِباعَهُ حتى كَلَلْت

Let evil temper fabricate what it will,

I've tested its moods until I grew weary.

بأَني حُوَّلٌ .. إن أعوزَتْني

على الملات أَعذارٌ .. أحلت

If poverty befell me, I have excuses

To offer for not visiting it, excuses ready at hand.

وأني ما طَلَعتُ على صِحابٍ

أُسَرُّ بقربِهِمْ .. إلا أَفَلْت

I never set out to visit dear friends

Except I slipped away, disappointed.

معاذَ اللهِ .. والخُلُقِ المصَفّى

وحُرّةِ طينةٍ منها جُبِلت

God forbid! Of refined character I'm made,

Free clay of which I'm molded.

ولكني وجدتُ الودَّ سوقاً

يراد بها تجار فاعتزلت

But I found affection has become a market

Where people traffic, so I've withdrawn.

فمن خَتْلٍ رُمِيتُ وما خَتَلَتُ

وعن جُبْنٍ خُذِلْتُ .. وما خَذَلْتُ

In weakness I was accused, though I'm not weak,

Abandoned through cowardice, though I'm no coward.

خَبَرتُ الناسَ والأيامَ حتى

يداي كليلتانِ بما نَخَلْت

I've experienced people and days until

My hands are crippled by all they've grasped.

تَسُرُّهُمُ هِناتي لم أُسائِلْ

بهم " عُرَّ الهنات " ولا حَفَلت

My derelictions give them joy, though I don't ask

Their help. They're blind to such derelictions.

ولم أَخبِط معاجِنَهم فحسبى

بها الشعراتُ منها قد سلَلَت

I never kneaded their dough, so it's enough

Their hairs are caught in it, infiltrating it.

ولم أسألْ مغازِلَهم خيُوطاً

غنىً عنهن بي فيما نَسَلت

I never asked to borrow their threads

When my own would suffice, unraveling freely.

كذاك خُلِقْتُ ما ساوَمْتُ خِدني

على العوراتِ منه .. ولا اهتبلت

Just so I was created; I never sold my cheek

For their kisses, never acted the wanton.

ولا خُودِعْتُ بالأمجاد يوماً

ولم أهتِفْ بِهِنَّ ولا ابتهلت

I was never seduced by glory,

Shouting, entreating for more.

ولكن بالسَّجيةِ وهي صفوٌ

وبالنفس الرضية وهي صَلْت

But by nature, it stays pure,

By spirit pleased, untroubled.

وجدتُ الحسنَ يكمُلُ بانتقاص

فلو قيض الكمال لما كَمَلْتُ

I found that beauty increases by diminishing,

For were perfection decreed, I'd not have perfected.

وتنعدمُ الفُروقُ بلا عُيوبٍ

فلو قِيض الكمال لما كَمَلتْ

Differences disappear without defects,

So were perfection decreed, it too would not perfect.

أَبِي مَلَلٌ، ولو قُويْضتُ كوناً

بمن أهوى .. وما أهوى .. عَدَلت

My father, I'm weary, and if I were created

A new being with whom I love – yet I love no one – I'd be equitable.

وتفجؤني طُيوفُهم كأني

إليْهِم من جديد قد حُمِلت

Their ghosts come suddenly, as if

I'm carried to them again, newly borne.

لمغنىً عِشتُهُ مَعَهمْ سعيداً

بهمْ.. وخُرَيْبةٍ مَعَهمْ نزلت

The pleasures I lived with them, happily

Encamping together or staying in their ruins.

ولا واللهِ ما أُوذيتُ فيهم

ولا ثَقُلوا عليَّ .. ولا ثَقُلْت

By God! They never wronged me

Nor burdened me, nor I them.

ولو بي مَلَةٌ لملِلتُ طَبْعاً

يجشِّمني، وعن شيمي عَدَلت

If I possessed any tendency it would be

To faultfinding, swerving from my nature.

ولاستنْهَزْتُ من فُرصٍ وأخرى

ومثلَ الزئبق السَّرعِ انتقلت

If given the chance, I'd have leapt

Like mercury, quick to transform.

ولكنِّي أجُرُّ الذيلَ تِيها

بِثوبٍ قبل خمسينَ اشتملت

But I trail my robe confusedly

In a garment I wrapped myself fifty years ago.

ويَزْهوني على القَصبِ الموشّى

حصيلةُ ما خَسِرتُ وما حَصَلت

What I lost and what I gained shame me

When facing the reed flute's melody.

ولو حُمِّلتُهُ كذويهِ غِلاّ

لكنت به كما خَمَلوا خَمَلْت

Had they burdened me with sin or evil

I'd have borne it as they did, stumbling.

ولكني شَجُعْتُ .. فما أُبالي

أجَلّى .. أم كبا قدْحٌ أَجلْت

But I took heart – so what care I

If my period's long or short life's cup?

سألتُ الصَبْرَ كيف جَمُلتَ عندي ؟

فقال بما " تُصَبِّرني ّ " جَمُلْتُ

I asked endurance, "How can I stay beautiful?"

It said, "That which makes me beautiful makes you so."

تُنسِّيني بناتُ الدهر نفسي

ولم أَنسَ اللِّداتِ ولا غَفَلت

The days make me forget myself;

I don't forget grievances or remain heedless.

وأوعرُ ما أكون، فإن تراءت

حقوقُ أخٍ صدوقٍ لي.. سَهُلت

However difficult I become, if the rights

Of a true brother appear to me, I find the road easy.

وإني والمذلةُ من عُداتي

يهون لعزه، أني ذَلَلْت

And I – though humiliation's my ally,

All is lightened by his dignity if I'm disgraced.

وها أنا ما أقالتْنِي الليالي

عن الإلفِ الخدين.. ولا أقلت

From intimacy with the two cheek dimples.

I have an elite – if they deemed me their superior,

وعندي صَفْوَةٌ لو فاضلوني

بهم غُرَفَ الجِنانِ لما فَضَلت

I'd not prefer paradise gardens to them.

If I were tasked with all harm and evil

ولو حُمِّلْت كلَّ أذىً وسُوء

كِفاءَ الذبِّ عنهم .. لاحتملت

As ransom from their pain, I'd bear it.

My father, I'm weary, yet I don't cease being faithful

أبي ملل.. ولم ابرحْ أميناً

لقولٍ قلتُ.. أو فعلٍ فعلت

To words I've said or deeds I've undertaken,

A café I've favored half a century

ومقهىً أصطفيهِ نصفَ قرنٍ

بذكراهُ ورِفقتِه احتفلت

Celebrating its memory and fellowship.

A lifetime of memories of sorrows and cares

ودنيا ذكرياتٍ عن همومٍ

قَصَرْتُ بهنَّ هماً أو أَطَلْت

I've used to shorten this or that sadness.

Faces look out at me over the years

مدى عُمري تطالِعُني وجوهٌ

بِهنَّ كطلعةِ الفجرِ اكتحلت

With which, like the dawn's first light, I've dressed my eyes.

Sigh after sigh I send up

أُصعِّد آهةً من بعد أخرى

على من قد فقدت ومن ثَكِلت

For those I've lost and those I've wept over.

I say I'm weary of it, as if thereby

اقول مَلِلْتُها .. وكأنَّ تُرْباً

على قبر عزيز قد أهَلْت

Laying earth down on a dear grave.

Yet I return, longing, to breathe in from it

وعن شَغَفٍ أَعودُ أشُمُّ منها

أريجَ ثرىً عليه قد دُللت

The scent of earth where I've rolled.

I wonder, how many smiles have I cheapened,

تُرى.. كم بسمةٍ فيه ابتذَلْت

وكم من دمعةٍ حرّى أَذَلْت ؟!

How many tears heated and debased?

I said to my friend as the cup bent

وقلتُ لصاحبي والكأسُ تَثْنِي

يدِي.. وكأنني بِدمي غُللت !

My hand, as if steeping it in my blood:

Inspired by her glances, allure overflowing

وملهمة بما تُلْقى دلالاً

بكأسي من ثُمالتها ثَمِلْت

Into my cup, filling it with her lips' dew.

She's filled it – leaning over to spill

وقد ثمِلتْ .. فمالت وهي تُرخِي

على كَتِفِي ذوائبَها .. فَمِلْت

Onto my shoulder her tresses – and I'm filled.

Echoes of the mingled melody

وأصداءٌ من النَّغَمِ المزجّى

بهِ خِلتُ الذي ما كنت خِلْت

Through which I emptied what I never emptied before,

As if by its echo I climbed stairs

كأني بالمعارج من صداهُ

عَرَجت إلى السماء .. وما نزلت

To the sky and never came down.

By your father's life, my words don't burden you,

لعمُر أبيكِ لا يُثْقِلْكِ قولي

وكم من قولة ثَقُلت فقلت:

Though many a burdensome word have I said.

Then I said: I see my seventy years as lifetimes

أرى السبعين في رشدي دهوراً

وسبعاً إن سدرت .. وإن ضللت

Of clarity, and seven, should I err or stray.