على الذنب لي قلب شجاع مجرب — Alluah

For sin I have a brave, seasoned heart,

and speech that, contrary to my heart, is chaste.

And can these two be equal within one soul?

So one of the two lesser organs must stray.

They tell me, “You are refined”; yet whoever is

bold in sin is not refined.

I am strong in acquiring sins, yet I am

weak in deeds of lasting righteousness.

And my two garments have always been: one defiled

by my sin, and one I wear clean.

So my sin is strong, its edge never blunted,

and my work in righteousness is fragile.

Others among mortals are devoted to righteousness,

while I am consumed with love of ruinous sins.

In youth I postpone my repentance

until my gray-haired age; and my gray-haired age delays repentance.

So I have lived as though I were always, each hour,

throughout my life, an ally of ugly sin.

As though my path through it held nothing to fear,

while my way toward doing good were frightening.

Toward goodness I have not inclined my nose, yet I am

affectionate toward whoever woos me to sins.

I am sluggish when they say, “Righteousness—hasten to it!”

yet I am swift toward the opposite of righteousness.

And I drink deeply of the murky draught of sins,

yet recoil from drinking the water of righteousness.

I circle the gates of sins, as though I were

a penitent circling the corners in ritual circumambulation.

And on sin’s path my running excels,

but I am slow to match the leading deeds of the forerunners.

How long must I suffer this and that, while death has

swift mounts and slow ones at hand against me?

Shall I be content throughout my life—and life has but an hour—

that I stagger from the wine of sins,

and am the greatest loser in faith among God’s creatures, and besides,

blameworthy in my pursuits, forever committing sins?

My own soul offers me a lesson—what a lesson!

and the place it gives me within itself leaves me an exposed target.

When my root and branch have died, can there be use

in the remnant of a bough swayed by life’s reversals?

Behold, I am a remnant left to calamities,

as though deaf and blind to tribulations.

And no pang matches the choking pang I feel for sin,

nor does my passion for ruinous sins feel anguish.

My hopes in You, O God, are fat, yet before them

the work I did in days gone by is lean.

And part of my hopeful trust in You, even if I disobey,

is that You are gentle with me when I do wrong.

And if I have any nearness to You, O God,

then You are merciful, compassionate ever since You were invoked.

Gentle favors from You still the wind of sin,

even though the wind of sins is tempestuous.

At Your door, O God, here I stand,

I have stretched out my hand, lingering at the two thresholds.

And my lingering is sweet to me at every moment,

even if spring and summer pass while I wait.

O Lord, O You whose description cannot be encompassed,

You transcend the bounds of speech and description.

For You are the Strong, the Just, in anger and in favor,

and I am poor in both resources, fragile.

I am enthralled by love for You, hoping for honor,

and whoever hopes and seeks Your pleasure is ardently devoted.

May there be mercy through which I am relieved of thirst,

and may I breathe the wafting fragrance of Your vast goodness.

If You do not pity my submission and lowliness,

then may groans and sorrow never leave me.

I have held fast to Your firmest handhold, for I have

in it a towering barrier against what I fear.

And through the Chosen One, who guides to You, I seek nearness,

for I am surely consumed with love of the Chosen One.

May Your blessings be upon him as long as lightning is veiled

by a thick night cloud, and rain pours unceasingly.