كفي الملام وعلليني — Fahad Alaskar

كُفّي الملامَ وعَلّليني

فالشَكُّ أودى باليقينِ

Stop the reproach, and console me.

For doubt has destroyed certainty.

وتناهَبَت كبدي الشجونُ فم

ن مجيري من شجوني

And sorrows have torn my liver apart—so who

will shelter me from my sorrows?

وأمضّني الداء العياء فم

ن مُغيثي من معيني

And incurable illness has tormented me—so who

will rescue me? Who will help me?

أينَ التي خُلِقَت لتَه

واني وباتَت تجتَويني

Where is she who was created to love

me, yet has come to loathe me?

أُمّاهُ قد غَلَبَ الأسى

كُفّي الملامَ وعلّليني

Mother, sorrow has overwhelmed me.

Stop the reproach, and console me.

اللَه يا أمّاهُ فيّ

ترَفّقي لا تعذُليني

For God's sake, Mother, in your dealings with me,

be gentle; do not reproach me.

أرهَقتِ روحي بالعتابِ

فأَمسِكيه أو ذَريني

You have exhausted my soul with reproach;

so withhold it, or leave me be.

أنا شاعرٌ أنا بائسٌ

أنا مستهامٌ فاعذُريني

I am a poet; I am wretched.

I am love-distraught, so forgive me.

أنا مِن حنيني في جحيمٍ

آهِ من حرّ الحنينِ

I am in hell from my longing.

Ah, the heat of longing!

أنا تائه في غيهَبٍ

شبحُ الردى فيه قريني

I wander, lost in pitch darkness;

there, death's specter is my companion.

ضاقَت بيَ الدنيا دَعيني

أندبُ الماضي دَعيني

The world has closed in on me; let me

lament the past—let me.

وأنا السجينُ بعقرِ داري

فاسمَعي شكوى السجينِ

And I am a prisoner in the heart of my home;

so hear the prisoner's complaint.

بهزالِ جسمي باصفراري

بالتجعّدِ بالغُصونِ

In my body's wasting, in my yellow pallor,

in the wrinkling, in the branches.

وطَني وما أقسى الحياةَ

بهِ على الحُرّ الأمين

My homeland—how cruel life is

there to the free and honest!

وَأَلَذُّ بينَ رُبوعهِ

من عيشتي كاسُ المنونِ

And sweeter, amid its dwellings,

than my life is the cup of death.

قد كنتَ فردوسَ الدخيل

وجنّةَ النّذلِ الخئونِ

You have been the interloper's paradise,

and a garden for the treacherous scoundrel.

لَهَفي على الأحرارِ فيك

وهم بأعماقِ السجون

How I grieve for the free within you,

while they are in the depths of prisons.

ودُموعُهُم مُهَج وأكبادٌ

تَرَقرَقُ في العيونِ

And their tears are hearts and livers,

welling in their eyes.

ما راعَ مثلُ الليثِ يُؤسَ

رُ وابنُ آوى في العرينِ

Nothing appalls like a lion held

captive, while a jackal is in the den.

والبُلبُلُ الغريدُ يهوي

والغُرابُ على الغُصونِ

And the melodious nightingale falls,

while the crow is on the branches.

وطَني وأدتُ بكَ الشباب

وكلَّ ما ملَكَت يَميني

My homeland, in you I buried youth alive,

and all that my right hand possessed.

وقَبَرتُ فيكَ مواهبي

واستَنزَفَت غُللي شُؤوني

And I buried my talents in you,

and my affairs drained my burning thirsts.

ودَفَنتُ شتّى الذكرياتِ

بِغورِ خافِقيَ الطعينِ

And I buried all manner of memories

in the depths of my pierced, beating heart.

وكسَرتُ كأسيَ بَعدَما

ذابَت بأحشائي لحومي

And I broke my cup after

my flesh had melted within my entrails.

وسكَبتها شعراً رثيتُ

بهِ الروح الحَزينِ

And poured it out as verse, mourning

through it the sorrowful soul.

وطَوَيتُها صُحُفاً ضَنَتُ

بها وما أنا بالضنينِ

And folded it into pages, jealously guarding

them, though I am no miser.

وَرجعتُ صفرَ الكفِّ مُنطَوِ

ياً على سرٍّ دَفينِ

And I returned empty-handed, folded

inward around a buried secret.

فلأنتَ يا وَطني المدينُ

وما هزارُكَ بالمدينِ

For you, my homeland, are the debtor,

and your nightingale is not the debtor.

وَطَني وما ساءَت بِغَير بن

يكَ يا وَطني ظُنوني

My homeland, I have mistrusted none but your

sons, my homeland.

أنا لَم أجد فيهم خَديناً

آهِ مَن لي بالخدينِ

I found no close friend among them.

Ah, who can bring me a close friend?

واضَيعةَ الأملِ الشريد

وخَيبةَ القلبِ الحَنونِ

Alas for the loss of wandering hope,

and the tender heart's disappointment!

رقَصوا على نوحي وإعوا

لي واطرَبَهُم أنيني

They danced to my lament and my

wailing, and my groaning delighted them.

وتَحامَلوا ظُلماً وعذواناً

عليّ وأرهقوني

And they bore down, unjustly and aggressively,

upon me, and wore me out.

فعرفتهُم ونَبَذتُهُم

لكنّهم لم يعرفوني

So I knew them and cast them aside,

but they did not know me.

وهناكَ منهُم معشرٌ

أُفٍّ لهُم كم ضايَقوني

And among them is a band—

fie on them! How often they harassed me!

هذا رماني بالشذوذِ

وذا رماني بالجنونِ

This one accused me of deviance,

and that one accused me of madness.

وهُناكَ مِنهُم من رماني

بالخلاعةِ والمجونِ

And among them were those who accused me

of licentiousness and debauchery.

وتطاولَ المتعصّبون

وما كفَرتُ وكفّروني

And the fanatics grew insolent;

though I had not disbelieved, they branded me an unbeliever.

وأنا الأبيُّ النفسِ

ذو الوجدانِ والشرفِ المصونِ

And I am unbowed in spirit,

possessed of conscience and inviolate honor.

اللَهُ يشهدُ لي وما

أنا بالذليلِ المستكينِ

God bears witness for me, and

I am neither abject nor submissive.

لا درّ درهمُ فلَو

حُزتُ النضارَ لأكرموني

May their milk not flow! For had I

possessed pure gold, they would have honored me.

أو بعتُ وجداني بأس

واقِ النفاقِ لأكرموني

Or had I sold my conscience in the

markets of hypocrisy, they would have honored me.

أو رحتُ أحرقُ في الدواو

ينِ البخورَ لأنصفوني

Or had I gone about burning, in the

reception halls, incense, they would have done me justice.

فعرفتُ ذنبي أن كبش

ي ليسَ بالكبش السمين

So I knew my fault: my ram

was not a fat ram.

يا قومُ كُفّوا دينُكُم

لكمُ ولي يا قَومُ ديني

People, desist! Your religion

is yours, and I, people, have mine.

ليلايَ يا حُلمَ الفؤادِ

الحلوَ يا دنيا الفُنونِ

My Layla, O dream of the heart,

so sweet, O world of the arts!

يا ربَّةَ الشرفِ الرفيعِ

البكرِ والخُلُقِ الرصينِ

O mistress of lofty honor,

untouched, and of steadfast character!

يا خمرةَ القلبِ الشجي

وحجّةَ العقلِ الرزينِ

O wine of the sorrowful heart,

and proof of the sober mind!

صُنتُ العهودَ ولَم أحِد

عنها فيا ليلايَ صوني

I kept the pledges and did not stray

from them; so, my Layla, keep faith.

عودي لقَيسِك بالهوى

العُذريِّ بالقلبِ الرهينِ

Return to your Qays with love,

chaste, with a captive heart.

عودي إليه وشاطريهِ

الحبَّ بالدمعِ السخينِ

Return to him and share with him

love, with hot tears.

عودي إليه واسمعي

نجواهُ في ظلّ السكون

Return to him and hear

his whispers in the shade of stillness.

فهو الذي لهواكِ ضحّى

بالرخيصِ وبالثمينِ

For he is the one who, for your love, sacrificed

the cheap and the precious.

ليلى تعالَي زوّديني

قبلَ المماتِ ووَدّعيني

Layla, come, give me provisions

before death, and bid me farewell.

ليلايَ لا تتمَنّعي

رُحماكِ بي لا تخذُليني

My Layla, do not hold yourself aloof.

Have mercy on me; do not forsake me.

ليلى تعالَي واسمعي

وحيَ الضميرِ وحدّثيني

Layla, come and hear

the inspiration of conscience, and speak to me.

ودعي العتابَ إذا التقَينا

أو فَفي رفقٍ ولينِ

And leave reproach aside when we meet,

or offer it gently and tenderly.

لم لا وَعُمرُ فتاكِ أطوَلُ

منهُ عُمرُ الياسَمينِ

Why not? Your young man's life is shorter

than the jasmine's life.

لِلَهِ آلامي وأوصابي

إذا لم تُسعِفيني

God, what pains and ailments are mine

if you do not come to my aid!

هيمانَ كالمجنونِ أخبِطُ

في الظلامِ فأخرجيني

Love-distraught like a madman, I grope

in the darkness; so bring me out.

مُتَعَثِّراً نهبَ الوساوِسِ

والمخاوِفِ والظنونِ

Stumbling, prey to obsessive thoughts,

and fears and suspicions.

حَفَّت بيَ الأشباحُ

صارخةً بربِّكِ أنقِذيني

Specters have surrounded me,

screaming. By your Lord, rescue me!

واشفي غليلي وابعثي

ميتَ اليَقينِ ودَلّليني

And quench my burning thirst, and revive

dead certainty, and pamper me.

ليلى إذا حُمَّ الرحيلُ

وغَصَّ قَيسُكِ بالأنينِ

Layla, when departure is decreed,

and your Qays chokes with groaning,

ورَأيتِ أحلامَ الصَبا

والحُبّ صرعى في جُفوني

and you see the dreams of youth

and love lying slain upon my eyelids,

ولَفَظتُ روحي فاطبعي

قبلَ الوداعِ على جَبيني

and I breathe out my soul, then plant a kiss

upon my forehead before farewell.

وإذا مشَوا بجنازَتي

بِبَناتِ فكري شَيّعيني

And when they carry my bier,

escort me with the daughters of my thought.

وإذا دُفِنتُ فَبلّلي

بالدمعِ قَبري واذكُريني

And when I am buried, moisten

my grave with tears, and remember me.