لما استفاقت عيوني — Elias Abu Shabaki

لَمّا اِستَفاقَت عُيوني

في ذِلَّتي وَهَواني

When my eyes awoke

in my abasement and degradation,

عَزمتُ أَن أَتَعَرّى

مِن شهوَتي فَثَناني

I resolved to strip myself

of my lust, but it held me back,

وَقالَ لي الحُكم حُكمي

وَالأَمرُ طوع بناني

and told me, 'The judgment is mine,

and command obeys my fingertips.

لا تَستَطيع التَغَنّي

في الحُبِّ عَن سُلطاني

You cannot sing

of love beyond my dominion,

وَالحُبُّ لا يَتَغَذّى

إِن لَم يَكُن شَهواني

and love is not nourished

unless it is lustful.'

فَلَم أَجِد لي مَفيضاً

يَوماً مِن الإِذعانِ

So I found no outlet for myself

ever from submission.

فَصِرتُ أَغذوهُ عاراً

وَالنَفسُ في تَيَهانِ

So I began to feed it shame,

while the soul wandered astray.

وَصارَ يُسكر روحي

بِنَغمَتَي خَفَقانِ

And it began to intoxicate my soul

with two throbbing strains:

بِنَغمَةٍ مِن لَهيبٍ

وَنَغمَةٍ مِن دُخانِ

with a strain of flame

and a strain of smoke,

حَتّى ظَنَنتُ نَعيمي

في ذلِكَ البُركانِ

until I thought my bliss

lay in that volcano.

رَبّاهُ عَفوَك إِنّي كافِرٌ جانِ

وَطَّأتَ لي كَنفَ الدُنيا فَقُلتُ قِفي

O Lord, your pardon! I am an unbeliever, a sinner.

You prepared the world's shelter for me; so I said, 'Stand,

يا نَفسُ في مُنهَلِ اللَذّاتِ وَاِرتَشِفي

وَمالَ مذهب طَبعي عَن سَجِيَّتِهِ

O soul, at the wellspring of pleasures, and sip.'

And the course of my nature strayed from its innate bent,

حَتّى تَقَلَّب في بُطلِ وَفي صَلفِ

وَغابَ عَنِّيَ أَنّي عشبَةٌ نَبَتَت

until it tossed about in falsehood and arrogance.

And I forgot that I am a blade of grass that sprouted

عَلى جَوانِبِ إِبريق مِن الخَزفِ

عَلى جَوانِبِ إِبريقٍ إِذا نَظَرَت

upon the sides of an earthenware pitcher;

upon the sides of a pitcher: if an eye looks

عَين إِلى عَتقه اِنحَطَّت عَلى تَلَفِ

فَخّارَةٌ ذاتُ نَتنٍ

upon its age, it alights on ruin.

A clay vessel with a stench,

قَديمَة كَالزمانِ

مَرَّت قُرون عَلَيها

as ancient as time,

centuries have passed over it,

فَحال لَون الدهانِ

وَمَهَّد النِتنُ فيها

so the color of its paint has changed.

And the stench has prepared within it

مَسارِبَ الديدانِ

فَخّارَةٌ دَنَّسَتها

passageways for worms.

A clay vessel defiled

خَواطِرُ الإِنسانِ

تَخاصَمَت جانِبيها

by the thoughts of humankind.

Across its two sides have clashed

مَظالِمُ الأَديانِ

كَأَنَّما الدينُ فيها

the injustices of religions,

as though religion within it

ضَرب مِن الوَيلِ ثانِ

كَم مَرَّة أَوعَدَتها

were a second kind of woe.

How often it has been threatened

ثَوائِرُ الغَليانِ

وَكَم تَفَجَّرَ فيها

by seething upheavals!

And how often there erupted within it

بِالأَمسِ مِن بُركانِ

تَبقى قُروناً طِوالاً

a volcano in bygone days!

It endures for long centuries,

وَتَمّحي في ثَوانِ

خَزّافها ذو حَنانٍ

and is erased in seconds.

Its potter is tender

حيناً وَذو سُلطانِ

يَنهى وَيَأمُر بِالصا

at times, and possessed of power;

he forbids and commands with thunder-

عِقاتِ وَالنيرانِ

ديدانُها مُسكَرات

bolts and fires.

Its worms are intoxicated

بِخَمرَةِ التيجانِ

وَالتاجُ لَو هِيَ تَدري

with the wine of crowns,

and the crown, if only they knew,

مَعنى مِن البُهتانِ

رَبّاهُ عَفوَك إِنّي كافِرٌ جانِ

is a form of falsehood.

O Lord, your pardon! I am an unbeliever, a sinner.

فُخّارَةٌ جُبَلت بِالدَمعِ وَالطينِ

مِن عَهد قايينَ أَو مِن قَبلِ قايينِ

A clay vessel molded with tears and clay,

from the age of Cain, or from before Cain.

نيرونُ أَضرمُ فيها جَمرَ مُقلَتِهِ

تِلكَ البَراكينُ مِن أَجفانِ نيرونِ

Nero kindled within it the embers of his eye;

those volcanoes come from Nero's eyelids.

تبادَرَتها مِن الديدانِ طائِفَة

أَبطال حَرب مِن الغُلبِ المَجانينِ

A band from among the worms rushed upon it,

war heroes among the mighty madmen.

ما كانَ إِسكَندَرُ فيها سِوى شَبح

يَحجّب الشَمسَ عَن عَينَي ديوجينِ

Alexander was nothing within it but a phantom

screening the sun from Diogenes' two eyes.

ما كانَ جِنكيز إِلّا

شَرارَةٌ في الكَيانِ

Genghis was nothing but

a spark in existence,

تَضَرَّمَت وَتَوارَت

بَينَ الرَمادِ الفاني

that blazed up and vanished

amid the perishing ashes,

رَبِّ المَغول إِله ال

نيرانِ وَالعِصيانِ

lord of the Mongols, god of the

fires and rebellion.

ثارَت عَلَيهِ كَما ثا

رَ سنَّةُ النيرانِ

They rose against him, as is

the law of fires.

وَالنارُ تَمحقُ إِلّا ال

تِذكار في الأَذهانِ

And fire obliterates all but the

memory in minds.

أَبقَت لِفارِسَ ذِكرى

كِسرى أَنوشروانِ

It left for Persia the memory

of Khosrow Anushirvan,

وَقَوَّضَت ما بَناهُ

مِن شاهِقاتِ المَباني

and razed what he had built

of towering buildings.

لَم تُبقِ إِلّا بَقايا

خَورَنق النُعمانِ

It left only the remnants

of al-Nu'man's Khawarnaq.

تِلكَ البَقايا عِظات ال

زَمانِ لِلإِنسانِ

Those remnants are the admonitions of

time to humankind;

تِلكَ البَقايا رُموزٌ

لِسُخرِيات الأَماني

those remnants are symbols

of the mockeries of hopes.

أَينَ الَّذي شَيَّدتَهُ

جَلائِلُ الرومانِ

Where is what was erected

by the Romans' mighty deeds?

حُلم مِن المَجدِ أَبقى

أُسطورَة في اللِسانِ

A dream of glory left behind

a legend upon the tongue.

شَرعُ المُقدّر أَلّا

يَبقى سِوى الخَسرانِ

The Ordainer's law is that

nothing remains but loss.

أَما الكَمال فَحُلمٌ

في هَجعَةِ النُقصانِ

As for perfection, it is a dream

in the slumber of imperfection;

يُرقى إِلَيهِ رُوَيداً

عَلى مُتونِ الزَمانِ

one ascends toward it slowly

upon the backs of time,

عَلى الإِرادَةِ وَالتَض

حِياتِ وَالعُرفانِ

upon will and sacri-

fices and knowledge,

حَتّى إِذا حُكَّ كانَ ال

كَلامُ لِلطوفانِ

until, when it was rubbed, the

word belonged to the flood,

وَكانَ لِلنّارِ رَأيٌ

وَلِلدَّمارِ يَدانِ

and fire had an opinion,

and destruction had two hands.

أُمُّ الزَلازِلِ طوّا

فَةٌ بِكُلِّ مَكانِ

The mother of earthquakes is ever roam-

ing through every place.

آثارها باقِيات

وَقفاً عَلى الأَجفانِ

Her traces endure,

an endowment upon the eyelids.

وَالناسُ وآحسرَتاهُ

إِثنانِ مُختَلِفانِ

And people—oh, alas!—

are of two different kinds:

أَعمى لَهُ مُقلَتانِ

في العَقلِ مُبصِرَتانِ

a blind man who has two eyes

that see within the mind,

وَمُبصِرٌ أَظلَمتهُ

عَينانِ لا تَرَيانِ

and a sighted man darkened

by two eyes that do not see.

تُرى مَشيئَتُك العليا تُناديني

بِثَورَة النارِ في تِلكَ البَراكين

Does your supreme will, I wonder, call me

through fire's revolt in those volcanoes?

رَبّاهُ هَل يَنتَهي حِلمي بِبارِقَةٍ

مِن اللَهيبِ وَيَخبو الطينُ في الطين

O Lord, will my dream end in a flash

of flame, and clay die down in clay?

وَهَل أَرى زاحِفاً في اللَيلِ مُلتَهِباً

بِجَمرَة السَخطِ في أَيدي الشَياطينِ

And shall I see one crawling in the night, ablaze

with the ember of wrath in the hands of devils?

أَدعوكَ وَالظُلمَةُ الحَمراءُ تَحرِقُني

فَلا تُجيبُ وَتَلوي لا تنجّيني

I call upon you while the red darkness burns me,

but you do not answer, and you turn away; you do not save me.

أَعرَضتُ عَنكَ غداةَ القَلبِ ضَلَّلني

كَأَن شَهوَة قَلبي عَنكَ تُغنيني

I turned away from you the morning my heart misled me,

as though my heart's lust could suffice me without you.

وَحينَ أوقظتُ مِن سُكر الهَوى خَجَلاً

بَحَثتُ عَنكَ وَكادَ العارُ يخفيني

And when I was awakened, ashamed, from passion's drunkenness,

I searched for you, and shame nearly hid me.

فَلَم تُمِل قَلبَكَ الرَحمن عَن أَلَمي

وَقلتَ تَطلُبني بَينَ المَساكين

Yet you did not turn your merciful heart away from my pain,

and said, 'Seek me among the poor.'

لكِنَّني عُدتُ بَعد ال

تَكفيرِ عَن تَيَهاني

But I returned, after the

atonement for my wandering,

إِلى ذُنوبٍ جسامٍ

كَثيرَةِ الأَلوانِ

to grievous sins

of many colors,

ملوِّثاتِ بِدَمعٍ

مُخَضّبات بِقانِ

stained with tears,

dyed with blood.

وَقُلتُ لِلقَلبَ أَطلِق

في الموبِقاتِ عَناني

And I said to the heart, 'Let loose

my reins among deadly sins;

طيف الإله بَعيد

وَعَينه لا تَراني

God's apparition is far away,

and his eye does not see me.'

وَقيل يَوم عَصيبٌ

يَنقضُّ قَبل الأَوانِ

And it was said: 'A terrible day

swoops down before its time;

تنفَّذ النار فيهِ

وَالحُكم للدّيانِ

fire takes effect within it,

and judgment belongs to the Judge.'

فَرحتُ أَسأَلُ نَفسي ال

دفاعَ عَن كفراني

So I began asking myself for the

defense of my unbelief;

فَلَم أَجِد مَن يُحامي

عَنّي سِوى بُهتاني

but I found no one to defend

me except my falsehood.

رَبّاهُ عَفوَك إِنّي كافِرٌ جانِ

O Lord, your pardon! I am an unbeliever, a sinner.