أبا الفضل طال الليل أم خانني صبري — Al Tohami

أَبا الفَضلِ طالَ اللَيلُ أَم خانَني صَبري

فَخيِّل لي أَنَّ الكَواكِب لا تَسري

O Abu al-Fadl, has the night lengthened, or has my patience betrayed me?

So it seems to me that the stars do not travel.

أَرى الرَملَة البَيضاء بَعدَكَ أَظلَمَت

فَدَهري لَيلٌ لَيسَ يُفضي إِلى فَجرِ

I see white al-Ramla darkened after you;

my days are night, leading to no dawn.

وَما ذاكَ إِلّا أَنَّ فيها وَديعَة

أَبى ربها أَن تَستَرِد إِلى الحَشرِ

That is only because within her lies a trust

whose Lord refuses its return until the Resurrection.

رَزيت بِملء العَين يُحسَب كَوكَباً

تولَّد بَينَ الشَمس وَالقَمَر وَالبَدرِ

I was bereaved of one who filled the eye, whom one would take for a star,

born between the sun, the moon, and the full moon.

بِأَبلَجَ لَو يَخفي لَنَمَّ ضِياؤُهُ

عَلَيهِ كَما نَمَّ النَسيمُ عَلى الزَهرِ

A radiant one whose light, were he hidden, would reveal

him, as the breeze reveals the flowers.

بِنَفسي هِلال كُنتُ أَرجو تَمامَهُ

فَعاجله المِقدار في غُرَّة الشَهرِ

My life for a crescent whose fullness I had hoped to see,

but fate overtook him at the month's beginning.

وَشِبل رَجَونا أَن يَكون غَضَنفَراً

فَماتَ وَلَم يَجرح بِنابٍ وَلا ظفرِ

And a lion cub we hoped would become a mighty lion,

who died without wounding with fang or claw.

أَتاهُ قَضاءُ اللَهِ في دار غُربَةٍ

بِنَفسي غَريبُ الأَصلِ وَالقَبرِ وَالقَدرِ

God's decree came to him in a land of exile.

My life for one a stranger in lineage, grave, and standing!

أُحَمِّلُهُ ثقل التُرابِ وَإِنَّني

لأَخشى عَلَيهِ الثُقلَ مِن مَوطءِ الذَرِ

I burden him with the weight of earth, though I

fear for him even the weight of tiny ants' tread.

وَأودعه غَبراء غَيرَ أَمينَةٍ

عَلَيهِ وَلَكِن قادَ شر إِلى شَرِّ

And I entrust him to dusty earth, untrustworthy

for him; yet one evil led to another.

فَواللَهِ لَو أَسطيعَ قاسَمتُهُ الرَدى

فَمُتنا جَميعاً أَو لقاسَمَني عُمري

By God, could I, I would have shared death with him,

so we died together, or he would have shared my lifespan.

وَلَكِنّما أَرواحَنا مُلكَ غَيرِنا

فَماليَ في نَفسي وَلا فيهِ مِن أَمرِ

But our souls belong to someone other than us,

so I have no authority over myself or him.

وَما اقتَضتِ الأَيّام إِلّا هِباتها

فألّا اقتَضتها قَبلَ أَن مَلأتَ صَدري

Time has reclaimed only its gifts;

why did it not reclaim them before you filled my breast,

وَمِن قبل أَن يَجري هَواهُ وَإِلفه

بِقَلبي جَريَ الماء في الغُصُنِ النَضرِ

and before love for him and closeness to him flowed

through my heart as water flows through a fresh branch?

وَلا حُزنَ أَلّا يَومَ وَارَيتُ شَخصَهُ

وَرُحتُ بِبَعضِ النَفسِ وَالبعض في القَبرِ

And no grief but that of the day I buried his body,

and left with part of my soul, the rest in the grave.

وَأَعلَمُ أَنَّ الحادِثاتِ بِمُرصِدٍ

لِتأخُذ كُلّي مِثلَما أَخذت شَطري

I know that calamities lie in wait

to take all of me, as they took half of me.

أَحينَ نَضا ثَوب الطُفولَة ناسِلاً

كَما يَنسَّلُ الرِيش اللَوام عَن النَسرِ

Was it when he shed childhood's garment, slipping free,

as close-set feathers molt from a vulture,

وَخَلَّى رِضاعَ الثَدي مُستَبدِلاً بِهِ

أَفاويق مِن دَرِّ البَلاغَة وَالشِعرِ

and left off suckling at the breast, exchanging it

for draughts of the milk of eloquence and poetry,

وَالقى تَميمات الصِبا وَتباشَرَت

حَمائِل أَغماد المهنَّدَةِ البُترِ

and cast away childhood's amulets, while there rejoiced

the belts of scabbards for cleaving Indian-steel swords,

وَبانَ عَلَيهِ الفَضل قَبلَ اثِّغارِهِ

وَيَبدو وَإِن لَم يثَّغر كرم المُهرِ

and his excellence appeared before he cut his teeth,

as a foal's nobility appears even before it cuts its teeth,

وَقامَت عَلَيهِ لِلعَلاءِ شَواهِدُ

كَما استَشهَد العَضب السَريجي بِالأَثَرِ

and signs of greatness arose in him,

as a keen Surayji sword takes its markings as witness,

وَخَبَّرنا عَن طيبهِ ماء وَجهِهِ

كَتَخبير ماء الظَلم عَن طيبة الثَغَرِ

and the luster of his face told us of his goodness,

as moisture on gleaming teeth tells of the mouth's sweetness,

وَجادَت بِهِ الأَيام وَهيَ بَخيلَة

وَقَد يَنبَع الماء الزُلال مِنَ الصَخرِ

and time bestowed him, though it is miserly,

and clear, sweet water may spring from rock,

طَواهُ الرَدى طَيَّ الرِداءِ فَأَصبَحَت

مَغانيهِ ما فِيهِنَّ مِنهُ سِوى الذِكرِ

that death folded him like a cloak, so that now

his haunts hold nothing of him but remembrance?

فَجادَ عَلى قَسرٍ بِباقي ذِمائِهِ

وَقَد كانَ مِمَّن لا يَجود عَلى القَسرِ

Under compulsion, he surrendered the last of his life,

though he was one who never gave under compulsion.

فَإِن أَبكِ فَالقُربى القَريبَةُ تَقتَضي

بُكايَ وَإِن أَصبِر فَبَقياً عَلى الأَجرِ

If I weep, close kinship demands

my tears; if I endure, it is to preserve the reward.

فَبي مِنهُ ما يوهي القوى غَيرَ أَنَّني

بُنيتُ كَما يُبنى الكَريم عَلى الصَبرِ

Within me, because of him, is what saps my strength; yet I

was built, as noble men are built, upon patience.

وَما صَبرُ مَحزونٍ جناح فؤادِهِ

يُرَفرِفُ ما بَينَ التَرائِبِ وَالنَحرِ

But what patience has a grieving man whose heart's wing

flutters between his upper ribs and throat?

يُقَلِّبُ عَيناً ما تَنامُ كَأَنَّها

بِلا هَدبٍ يُثنى عَلَيها وَلا شَفرِ

He turns an eye that never sleeps, as though it

had no lashes to fold over it, nor an eyelid's edge.

غَطا دمعها أَنسانُها فَكَأَنَّها

غَريق تَسامى فَوقه لُجَجُ البَحرِ

Its tears have covered its pupil, as though it were

a drowning man over whom the sea's billows rise.

يُنَغِّصُ نَومي كُلَّ يَومٍ وَيقظَتي

خَيالٌ لَهُ يَسري وَذِكرٌ لَهُ يَجري

My sleep and waking are troubled every day

by an image of him roaming at night, and a memory of him flowing.

وَيوسع صَدري بِالزَفير ادِّكاره

عَلى أَنَّ ذاكَ الوسع أَضيقُ لِلصَّدرِ

Remembering him expands my breast with sighs,

yet that expansion constricts the breast still more.

وَقالوا سيسليه التأَسّي بِغَيرِهِ

فَقُلتُ لَهُم هَل يَطفأ الجَمرُ بِالجَمرِ

They said, 'Taking comfort in others will console him.'

I told them, 'Can embers be quenched with embers?

أَيندَمِلُ الجَرحُ الرَغيب بِمِثلِهِ

إِلّا لا وَلَكِن يَستَطيرُ وَيَستَشري

Does a gaping wound heal through another like it?

No indeed; rather, it spreads and festers.'

وَلَيتَ التأسي بِالمُصيبَةِ كائِنٌ

كفافاً فَلا يُسلي هُناك وَلا يُغري

Would that seeking comfort in calamity were

at least without gain or loss, neither consoling nor inflaming grief.

فَلا تَسأَلوني عَنهُ صَبراً فَإِنَّني

دفنت بِهِ قَلبي وَفي طَيِّهِ صَبري

Do not ask me for patience over him, for I

buried my heart with him, and within it my patience.

فإلّا تَكُن قَلبي فَإِنَّكَ شَطرِهِ

قُددتَ كَما قُدَّ الهِلالُ مِنَ البَدرِ

If you are not my whole heart, you are half of it,

cut away as the crescent is cut from the full moon.

أَيا نِعمَةً حَلَّت وَوَلَّت وَلَم أَكُن

نهَضتُ بِما لِلَّهِ فيها مِنَ الشُكرِ

O blessing that came and departed before I had

fulfilled the gratitude to God owed for it!

وَضاعفَ وَجدي أَن قَضيتَ وَلَم تُقِم

مَقامَ الشَجا المَعروض في ثَغرة الثَغرِ

My sorrow doubled: you died before you took

your stand as a choking bone lodged across a breach in the frontier,

وَلَم تَلقَ صَفّاً مِن عِداكَ بِمِثلِهِ

كَما أَسنَد الكِتاب سَطراً إِلى سَطرِ

or met a rank of enemies with a matching rank,

as scribes set line beside line,

وَما خُضتَ جَيشاً بِالدِماءِ مُضمَّخاً

يَرى بيضُهم مِثلَ الحَبابِ عَلى الخَمرِ

or plunged into an army drenched in blood,

whose helmets appear like bubbles upon wine.

وَلَم تَختَصِم حوليك أَلسِنَة القَنا

فَتَحكُمُ في الهَيجاء بِالعرف وَالنُكرِ

Nor did the tongues of spears dispute around you,

for you to judge in battle with favor and severity,

بَضَربٍ يَطير البَيضُ مِن حَرِّ وَقعِهِ

شَعاعاً كَما طارَ الشَرارُ عَن الجَمرِ

with blows whose burning impact makes helmets fly

in scattered fragments, as sparks fly from embers.

تَرى زرد الماذيِّ مِنهُ مفكَّكاً

يَطيح كَما طاحَ القُلامُ عَن الظفرِ

You would see the links of fine mail shattered by the blow,

falling as clippings fall from a nail.

وَلَمّا تُضِف في نَصرَةِ اللَهِ طعنه

إِلى ضَربَةٍ كالبِئرِ فَوقَ شَفا نَهرِ

Nor had you yet, in God's cause, added a spear-thrust

to a sword-stroke, like a well above a riverbank.

وَلَمّا تَقُم لِلَّهِ بِالقِسطِ مَوقِفاً

سَأَقضي وَلمّا أَقضِ مِن مِثلِهِ نذري

Nor had you yet taken a stand for God in justice—

I shall die before fulfilling my vow to take such a stand.

وَلَم تَمشِ في ظِلِّ اللواء كَما مَشى

إِلى الصَيدِ فهد تَحتَ رفرفة الصَقرِ

Nor did you walk beneath the banner's shade, as walks

a cheetah to the hunt beneath a falcon's fluttering.

وَلَم تُخفِق النيران حَولَك للقِرى

كَما خفقت أَطراف الويةٍ حُمرِ

Nor did fires flicker around you for hospitality,

as the edges of red banners flutter.

وَلَم تَقفُ أَبكار المَعاني وعونِها

فَتَرغب فيها مِن عَوانٍ إِلى بِكرِ

Nor did you pursue meanings, virgin and mature,

turning your desire among them from a matron to a virgin.

وَلَمّا تَبارى النَجم ضوءاً ورِفعَةً

وَصيتاً وَأَنواءً وَهَدياً إِذا يَسري

Nor had you yet rivaled the star in light and height,

and in renown, rain-bringing, and guidance when it travels by night.

وَلَم تَخجَل الرَوض الأَنيق بِرَوضَةٍ

مفوَّقةِ الأَرجاءِ بِالنَظمِ وَالنَثرِ

Nor did you shame the lovely garden with a garden

whose reaches are nourished with verse and prose.

وَلَمّا تَقم في مَشهَدٍ بَعدَ مَشهَدٍ

تَصدّق أَخبار المَخايلَ بِالخُبرِ

Nor had you yet stood in gathering after gathering,

confirming the reports of promise through experience.

وَما قلت إِلّا ما ذَكاؤُكَ ضامِنٌ

لَهُ كَضَمانات السَحائِب لِلقَطر

I have said only what your brilliance guaranteed,

as clouds guarantee the rain.

عَلَيكَ سَلامُ اللَهِ ربك إِن تَكُن

عبرت إِلى الأُخرى فَنَحنُ عَلى الجِسرِ

Upon you be the peace of God, your Lord; if you have

crossed to the other life, we are upon the bridge.

وَما نَحنُ إِلّا مِثلَ أَفراس حلبةٍ

تَقَدَّمنا شيء وَنَحنُ عَلى الإِثرِ

We are only like horses in a race:

one has gone a little ahead of us, and we follow in his tracks.

وَلَمّا تَجارَينا وَغايَة سَبقنا

إِلى المَوتِ كانَ السَبقُ لِلجَذَعِ الغَمرِ

When we raced one another, with the goal of our race

at death, victory belonged to the young, untried colt.

مَحاك الرَدى مِن رأي عَيني وَمامَحا

خَيالك مِن قَلبي وَذِكرك مِن فِكري

Death erased you from my eyes' sight, but did not erase

your image from my heart or your memory from my thoughts.

فَما أَنسَ مِن شيء وَإِن جَلَّ قدره

فَإِنَّكَ مِنّي ما حَييتُ عَلى ذِكرِ

Whatever I may forget, however great its worth,

you shall remain in my remembrance as long as I live.

وَإِنّي مِن دَهرٍ أَصابَكَ صِرفِهِ

وَأَخطأَني مِن أَن يُصيبَ عَلى حِذرِ

I am wary of time, whose reversal struck you

and missed me, lest it strike me next.

رحلتَ وَخَلَّفتَ الَّذينَ تَرَكتَهُم

وَراءَكَ بالأَحزانِ وَالهَمِّ وَالفِكرِ

You departed and left those you abandoned

behind you with sorrows, worry, and brooding.

فَلَو لفضتكَ الأَرض قلت تَشابَهت

مَناظِر من في البطن مِنها وَفي الظَهرِ

Were the earth to cast you out, I would say, 'Alike are

the looks of those within its belly and upon its back.'

وَلا فَرقَ فيما بَينَنا غَيرَ أَنَّنا

بِمَسِّ الأَذى نَدري وَأَنَّكَ لا تَدري

There is no difference between us, except that we

know the touch of pain, while you do not.

رَجوتك للدُّنيا وَللدِّينِ قَبلَها

وَرُحتَ بِكَفٍ مِن رَجائِهما صِفرِ

I pinned hopes on you for this world, and first for religion,

but you departed with a hand empty of hopes for either.

أَزورَكَ إِكراماً وَبِرّاً وَفي البِلى

لِمثلِكَ شغل عَن وَفائي وَعَن بِرّي

I visit you in honor and devotion, yet in decay

one such as you is too occupied for my fidelity and devotion.

وَلَمّا أَتى بَعدَ المَشيب عَدَلتُهُ

بِعَصر الشَباب الغَضِّ بورك من عَصرِ

When he came after my hair had grayed, I reckoned him equal

to the season of fresh youth—blessed be that season!

وَقلت شَبابُ ابني شَبابي وَإِنَّما

يَنقَّلُ مَعنى الشَطر مِنّي إِلى الشَطرِ

I said, 'My son's youth is my youth; it is only that

the essence passes from one half of me to the other.'

فَوَلّى كَما وَلّى الشَبابُ كِلاهُما

حَميد فَقيد طَيِّب العَهدِ وَالنَشرِ

He departed as youth departed; both

are praiseworthy, lost, sweet in memory and fragrance.

وَكانَ كَمِثلِ العَنبَرِ الجونِ لبثِّهِ

فَبانَ وَأَبقى في يدي عبق العِطرِ

He was like dark ambergris in the scent he spread;

he departed and left the fragrance of perfume in my hand.

نَقضت عُهود الوُدِّ إِن ذقت بَعدِهِ

سلواً إِلّا إِنَّ السَلو أَخو الغَدرِ

I would break love's pledges if, after him, I tasted

solace—indeed, solace is brother to betrayal.

وَما أَنا بِالوافي وَقَد عِشتُ بَعدَهُ

وَرُبَّ اعتِراف كانَ أَبلَغ مِن عُذرِ

I am not faithful, having lived on after him,

and many a confession is more telling than an excuse.

كَفى حُزناً أَنّي دعوت فَلَم يَجِب

وَلَم يَكُ صَمتاً عَن وَقارٍ وَلا وَقرِ

It is grief enough that I called and he did not answer,

nor was his silence from dignity or deafness.

وَلَم يَكُ مِن بُعدِ المَسافَة صَمته

فَما بَينَنا إِلّا ذِراعانِ في القَدرِ

Nor was distance the reason for his silence;

there are only two cubits between us in measure.

نُنافِسُ في الدُنيا غُروراً وَإِنَّما

قَصارى غِناها أَن يَؤولَ إِلى الفَقرِ

We vie for this world in delusion, though

the utmost its wealth can reach is poverty.

وَإِنّا لَفي الدُنيا كركب سَفينَةٍ

نَظُنُّ وقوفاً وَالزَمان بِنا يَجري

In this world, we are surely like passengers on a ship:

we think we are standing still, while time carries us along.

طويت اللَيالي وَاللَيالي مَراحِل

إِلى أَجَلٍ يَسري إِليَّ كَما أَسري

I have traversed the nights, and the nights are stages

toward an appointed end traveling toward me as I travel toward it.

وَأَفنَيتُ أَياماً فَنيتُ بِمَرِّها

وَغايَة ما يُفني وَيَفنى إِلى قَدرِ

I have used up days, and their passing has used me up,

and all that consumes and is consumed ends in a decree.

إِلى اللَهِ أَشكو ما أَجِنُّ وَإِنَّني

فَقَدتُكَ فَقدَ الماءِ في البَلَدِ القَفرِ

To God I complain of what I hide within; indeed,

I miss you as water is missed in a barren land,

عَلى حينَ جِزتُ الأَربَعينُ مُصَوِّباً

وَلاحَت نُجومُ الشيب في ظُلمِ الشَعر

just when I had passed forty and was descending,

and the stars of gray hair shone in the darkness of my hair.

فَيا مَعشَرَ اللَوامِ كفوا فَإِنَّني

لِفَرطِ الجَوا قد قامَ لي في البُكا عُذري

O company of reproachers, desist, for

my overwhelming anguish has made my excuse for weeping clear.

إِذا ما تَوَلّى ابني وَوَلَّت شَبيبَتي

وَوَلّى عَزايَ فالسَلامُ عَلى الدَهرِ

When my son has gone, and my youth has gone,

and my consolation has gone—farewell to time!