هبّتْ لوهبٍ ريحُ سوءٍ عاصفٍ

هبّتْ لوهبٍ ريحُ سوءٍ عاصفٍ

بارى بها شهرَ الرياح شُباطا

بارى بها شهرَ الرياح شُباطا

For Wahb there blew a foul, tempestuous wind;

An ill wind blew for Wahb,

With it he rivaled Shubat, the month of winds.

The month of February brought storms.

من فقحةٍ حَقَّ اتِّساعُ حِتارها

من فقحةٍ حَقَّ اتِّساعُ حِتارها

إذ لا تُفارقُ دهرها مِسواطا

إذ لا تُفارقُ دهرها مِسواطا

From an asshole whose rim had every reason to widen,

From an open wound its burning truly spread,

Since, all its life, it never parts with a stirring rod.

Never leaving its furnace.

لو أنها هبتْ خِلال معسكرٍ

لو أنها هبتْ خِلال معسكرٍ

لم يُبقِ فيه حفيفها فسطاطا

لم يُبقِ فيه حفيفها فسطاطا

Had it blown through an army camp,

Had it blown through an encampment,

Its rustling would have left not a single tent there.

It would have left no tent standing.

مرَّت على آذانِنا وأُنُوفِنا

مرَّت على آذانِنا وأُنُوفِنا

فأساءتِ الأسماعَ والأسْعاطا

فأساءتِ الأسماعَ والأسْعاطا

It passed over our ears and noses,

It passed by our ears and noses,

So it offended both our hearing and our noses.

Offending hearing and minds.

ونَعَتْ إلينا مُفلِحاً سقياً لهُ

ونَعَتْ إلينا مُفلِحاً سقياً لهُ

من فارسٍ مَنَعَ الحريمَ وحاطا

من فارسٍ مَنَعَ الحريمَ وحاطا

And announced Muflih's death to us—may rain bless him—

And it brought us the news of Mufleeh's death,

What a horseman, who defended and guarded the womenfolk!

A horseman who protected the harem.

فكأنها وكأن مقتلَ مُفلحٍ

فكأنها وكأن مقتلَ مُفلحٍ

يوم القيامة قدَّمَ الأشراطا

يوم القيامة قدَّمَ الأشراطا

As though it, and Muflih's slaying, were

As if it and Mufleeh's death

Judgment Day, sending its portents ahead.

Had advanced the tribulations of Judgement Day.

يا ضرطةً سبق البريدَ بريدُها

يا ضرطةً سبق البريدَ بريدُها

ركضاً وخلَّفَ شوطُها أشواطا

ركضاً وخلَّفَ شوطُها أشواطا

O fart, whose courier outran the post,

O announcer whose tidings outran the post,

At a gallop, whose single run left other runs behind!

Galloping, leaving leagues behind.

أصبحتِ أنبلَ ضرطةٍ وأجلَّها

أصبحتِ أنبلَ ضرطةٍ وأجلَّها

إذ كان عِلمُك بالغيوب أحاطا

إذ كان عِلمُك بالغيوب أحاطا

You have become the noblest and grandest fart,

You have become the finest announcer, the greatest,

For your knowledge has encompassed the unseen.

Since your knowledge encompasses all secrets.

يا وهبُ إن تكُ قد ولدتَ صبيَّةً

يا وهبُ إن تكُ قد ولدتَ صبيَّةً

فبحمْلهم شُقراً عليك سِباطا

فبحمْلهم شُقراً عليك سِباطا

Wahb, if you have indeed given birth to a girl,

O Wahb, if you have begotten a girl child

It is from their charging you with ruddy, straight shafts.

Then white hair has come upon you early.

من كان لا ينفك يُنكحُ دهْرَهُ

من كان لا ينفك يُنكحُ دهْرَهُ

ولد البناتَ وأسقط الأسقاطا

ولد البناتَ وأسقط الأسقاطا

Whoever is ceaselessly buggered all his life

He who cannot stop being cuckolded

Bears daughters and expels miscarried fetuses.

Begets daughters and miscarries births.

تَلِدُ النساءُ من الرجال وإنَّما

تَلِدُ النساءُ من الرجال وإنَّما

يلدُ الرجالُ من الرجال ضُراطا

يلدُ الرجالُ من الرجال ضُراطا

Women give birth by men, but

Women give birth to men, but

Men give birth by men only to farts.

Men give birth to men, for certain.

لو كنتُ مِثلكَ ثم جِئتُ بمثلها

لو كنتُ مِثلكَ ثم جِئتُ بمثلها

لضربتُ فاضحتي بها أسواطا

لضربتُ فاضحتي بها أسواطا

Were I like you, and then produced its like,

If I were like you and then begot like her,

I would flog the part that disgraced me for it.

I would strike my disgracer with whips.

ولما وطئتُ بساط دارِ خليفةٍ

ولما وطئتُ بساط دارِ خليفةٍ

حتى المماتِ ولا اخترقتُ سِماطا

حتى المماتِ ولا اخترقتُ سِماطا

And I would never tread the carpet of a caliph's house

And I would not have trodden the carpet of the Caliph's house

Until death, nor pass through a line of courtiers.

Until death without piercing lances.

قد أعظمتْ جُرماً فعاقِبها به

قد أعظمتْ جُرماً فعاقِبها به

واجعل لها غير الأيورِ سياطا

واجعل لها غير الأيورِ سياطا

It has committed a grave crime; punish it for that,

You have committed a grave crime, so punish it

And use something other than penises to whip it.

And let her have more than mere threats.

إن العقوبةَ بالأيورِ تزيدُها

إن العقوبةَ بالأيورِ تزيدُها

زللاً إلى ما قدّمتْ وسقاطا

زللاً إلى ما قدّمتْ وسقاطا

Punishment with penises increases its

For threats with only words increase

Lapses and falls beyond what it has already done.

Her sins, from the past and recent.

قال الوزيرُ وقد رمَيْتَ برأسها

قال الوزيرُ وقد رمَيْتَ برأسها

قُمْ فالتمسْ مهداً لها وقِماطا

قُمْ فالتمسْ مهداً لها وقِماطا

The minister said, when you had cast out its head:

The minister said, after you condemned her,

'Get up and find it a cradle and swaddling cloth.'

"Stand and find her a cradle and swaddling clothes."

هذي عُقوبةُ منْ يكدُّ عبِيده

هذي عُقوبةُ منْ يكدُّ عبِيده

حتى يُعرِّقَ مِنْهمُ الآباطا

حتى يُعرِّقَ مِنْهمُ الآباطا

This is the punishment of one who overworks his slaves,

This is the punishment for one who exhausts his servants

Until he makes their armpits sweat,

Until he makes them drip sweat from their armpits,

ويُلَفِّقُ الأخبارَ لا متحرِّجاً

ويُلَفِّقُ الأخبارَ لا متحرِّجاً

فيها ولو بدم النبي أشاطا

فيها ولو بدم النبي أشاطا

And fabricates reports without a scruple

And invents tales without hesitation,

About them, even were he to shed the Prophet's blood.

Even if it shed the Prophet's blood.

شهدت ولادتُكَ الشهيرة أنها

شهدت ولادتُكَ الشهيرة أنها

من فقحةٍ لا تستفيقُ لُواطا

من فقحةٍ لا تستفيقُ لُواطا

Your notorious childbirth attested that it came

Your famous birth witnessed that she

From an asshole that never sobers up from sodomy.

Was born from an unhealing wound.

يا وهبُ ويحكَ قد علمتَ بوَهيها

يا وهبُ ويحكَ قد علمتَ بوَهيها

أفلا دعوت لرَتقِها خيَّاطا

أفلا دعوت لرَتقِها خيَّاطا

Wahb, woe to you! You knew of its tear;

Oh Wahb, shame on you! You knew her stupidity -

Why did you not summon a tailor to stitch it shut?

Why did you not call for a seamstress to sew her shut?

عطستْ وحُقّ لها العُطاسُ لأنها

عطستْ وحُقّ لها العُطاسُ لأنها

مزكومةٌ أبداً تسيلُ مُخاطا

مزكومةٌ أبداً تسيلُ مُخاطا

It sneezed, and rightly so, because it is

She sneezed and sneezing fits her, for she

Forever afflicted with a cold, oozing mucus.

Is forever dripping mucus.

دعْ خِدمةَ الخلفاءِ لا تَعرِضْ لها

دعْ خِدمةَ الخلفاءِ لا تَعرِضْ لها

وتعاطَ ويحك غيرَ ما تتعاطى

وتعاطَ ويحك غيرَ ما تتعاطى

Leave the caliphs' service; do not offer yourself for it,

Leave serving the Caliphs, do not expose yourself,

And, woe to you, pursue something other than what you pursue.

And cease, enough of what you are up to!

يحتاطُ للخلفاءِ في سُلطانهم

يحتاطُ للخلفاءِ في سُلطانهم

من كان في أمر استِه مُحتاطا

من كان في أمر استِه مُحتاطا

He safeguards the caliphs in their rule

He who is cautious with the Caliphs and their rule

Who takes precautions concerning his own ass.

Takes care in his affairs and is cautious.

ما هذه النُّفَخُ التي أغفلْتَها

ما هذه النُّفَخُ التي أغفلْتَها

يا من يفوقُ بطبِّه بُقراطا

يا من يفوقُ بطبِّه بُقراطا

What are these gusts that you have neglected,

What is this swelling you overlooked,

O you whose medicine surpasses Hippocrates?

You who in medicine surpass Hippocrates?

كنّا نقولُ إذا مَررْتَ مُواكباً

كنّا نقولُ إذا مَررْتَ مُواكباً

للَّهِ دَرُّكَ كاتباً خطّاطا

للَّهِ دَرُّكَ كاتباً خطّاطا

We used to say, when you passed in a procession,

When you passed we used to say,

'God bless your bounty, secretary and calligrapher!'

"May your bounty last, excellent calligrapher!"

فالآن صِرتَ إذا مررْت فقولنا

فالآن صِرتَ إذا مررْت فقولنا

لا درَّ درُّكَ كاتباً ضرَّاطا

لا درَّ درُّكَ كاتباً ضرَّاطا

But now you are such that, when you pass, we say:

But now when you pass we say,

'May your bounty run dry, secretary and farter!'

"No lasting bounty, you lousy scribe!"

يا آل وهبٍ حدِّثوني عنكُمُ

يا آل وهبٍ حدِّثوني عنكُمُ

لمْ لا تَروْنَ العدلَ والإقساطا

لمْ لا تَروْنَ العدلَ والإقساطا

O family of Wahb, tell me about yourselves:

Oh House of Wahb, tell me of yourselves -

Why do you not heed justice and equity?

Why do you not see justice and equity?

ما بالُ ضرطتكم يُحلُّ رِباطُها

ما بالُ ضرطتكم يُحلُّ رِباطُها

عفواً ودِرْهَمُكُم يُشدُّ رِباطا

عفواً ودِرْهَمُكُم يُشدُّ رِباطا

Why is your fart's tether loosened

How can your announcer's voice carry freely

So freely, while your dirham is bound fast?

While your coin is too heavy?

صُرُّوا ضُراطَكُم المُبذِّرَ صرَّكم

صُرُّوا ضُراطَكُم المُبذِّرَ صرَّكم

عِند السُؤال الفَلْسَ والقيراطا

عِند السُؤال الفَلْسَ والقيراطا

Tie up your spendthrift farts as you tie up

Cut your wasteful announcer down to size,

The fals and the qirat when asked.

At judgement you'll be asked for each grain.

أو فاسمحُوا بضراطِكُم ونوالكُم

أو فاسمحُوا بضراطِكُم ونوالكُم

هيهاتَ لستُمْ للنَّوال نِشاطا

هيهاتَ لستُمْ للنَّوال نِشاطا

Or else be generous with both your farts and your gifts—

Or let your announcer and singer go -

Far from it! You are not eager to give.

Alas, you have no vigor for singing!

لو جُدْتُمُ بهما معاً فتواءَما

لو جُدْتُمُ بهما معاً فتواءَما

فَرَشا لكم عند الرِّحال بِساطا

فَرَشا لكم عند الرِّحال بِساطا

Had you given freely of both together, making them twins,

If you kept them both, they would complement each other,

They would have spread a carpet for you beside the saddles.

Spreading a carpet for you with the travelers.

لكنَّكم فرطتُمُ في واحدٍ

لكنَّكم فرطتُمُ في واحدٍ

وهو الضُّراط فعدِّلُوا الإفراطا

وهو الضُّراط فعدِّلُوا الإفراطا

But you have gone to excess in one,

But you neglected one, the announcer,

Namely farting; so temper that excess.

So rectify this imbalance!

فُضِحتْ كتابتُكم وقُنِّع مجدُكم

فُضِحتْ كتابتُكم وقُنِّع مجدُكم

خِزياً وأُسقط جاهُكم إسقاطا

خِزياً وأُسقط جاهُكم إسقاطا

Your secretarial work is disgraced, and your glory veiled

Your writing has been exposed and your glory deflated,

In shame; your standing has been utterly brought down.

In disgrace your stature toppled down.

فاستأنِفوا الأعمالَ إن ضُراطَكُم

فاستأنِفوا الأعمالَ إن ضُراطَكُم

بالأمس أحبطَ ما مضى إحباطا

بالأمس أحبطَ ما مضى إحباطا

So begin your deeds anew, for your farting

Resume your work if your announcer

Yesterday utterly annulled what had gone before.

Yesterday voided all the past.

فإذا شهدتُمْ مشهداً وأبُوكمُ

فإذا شهدتُمْ مشهداً وأبُوكمُ

لم تُشبهوا يعقوبَ والأسباطا

لم تُشبهوا يعقوبَ والأسباطا

When you attend a gathering, with your father,

And if at a council you and your father

You do not resemble Jacob and the Tribes.

Do not resemble Jacob and the Tribes,

قُبِّحْتُمُ ولداً وقُبِّحَ والداً

قُبِّحْتُمُ ولداً وقُبِّحَ والداً

لا تَهْتَدونَ من الرشادِ صِراطا

لا تَهْتَدونَ من الرشادِ صِراطا

Shame upon you as offspring, and upon him as a father!

You were cursed as sons and he as father -

You find no path of right guidance.

You are not guided on the path of righteousness.

لا قدَّسَ الخَلَفُ المخلَّفُ منكُمُ

لا قدَّسَ الخَلَفُ المخلَّفُ منكُمُ

ولداً ولا فُرَّاطُكمْ فُرّاطا

ولداً ولا فُرَّاطُكمْ فُرّاطا

May the descendants you leave behind never be sanctified

Neither the latecaliph sanctified your surviving son,

As offspring, nor your forebears as forebears.

Nor did your seamstress sew a seam.

فلكونِكُم في صُلبِ آدمَ نُطفةً

فلكونِكُم في صُلبِ آدمَ نُطفةً

كانت محورةُ أمرهِ إهباطا

كانت محورةُ أمرهِ إهباطا

For, because you were a drop of seed in Adam's loins,

Since in Adam's loins you were but sperm,

The outcome of his affair was to be cast down.

Twisted in its affairs and cast down.