أَطعُنُهُ ولا أُريدُ قَتلَه — منذر مصري 50 قصيدة

مُحيطاً بساعِدَيَّ عُنقَه

وبَطنَهُ بساقَيَّ

Encircling his neck with my forearms

and his belly with my legs,

دُونَ هذا ولو لِلَحظة

لَم أَكُن أَستَطيعُ

without this, even for a moment,

I could not

التَّعَلُقَ بِه .

/

cling to him.

/

يَختَرِعُ وَجهاً

لِكُلِّ نَظرَة

He invents a face

for every glance,

وجِسمُهُ يُبدِلُهُ

في لَمسَة .

and changes his body

at a touch.

/

أُحِسُّ جِلدَهُ

/

I feel his skin

حيناً رِيشاً

وَحيناً وَبراً

at times as feathers,

and at times as fur,

وَحيناًً

حَراشِفَ .

and at times

as scales.

/

اِتَّصَلتُ بِكِ البارِحَة

/

I called you last night.

أَجابَت على الهاتِف

أَفعى

The phone was answered by

a snake.

يا اللَّه

الآن أَذكُر

Oh God,

now I remember:

مَرَّةً كُنتُ نِصفَ نائمٍ

فَسَمِعتُ فَحيحاً

once I was half asleep

and heard a hiss

وأنتِ تَزحفينَ مُنسلَّةً

مِن السَّرير .

as you crawled, slipping away

from the bed.

/

بِأُمِّ عَينيَّ رَأَيتُه

/

With my own eyes I saw him

مَساءَ دَعوتِني إلى وَجارِكِ

فَصَعدتُ الدَّرَجَ مُتَخَفِّياً

the evening you invited me to your den,

then I climbed the stairs, keeping hidden

كَي لا يَعرِفَني أَحد

لَكن قِطَّاً أَسودَ

so no one would recognize me,

but a black cat

كان يُلاحِقُني

حَريصاً أَن يَشُمَّ

was following me,

eager to sniff

بِخَيشُومِهِ اللاَّمِعِ الدَّقيق

مَوقِعَ كُلِّ خُطوةٍ مِن خُطُواتي

with his gleaming, delicate nose

the spot of each of my footsteps,

ثُمَّ يَدوسَ عَليهِ بِقَدَمِه

وعِندَما دَخلتُ مِنَ الباب

then tread on it with his foot.

And when I entered through the door

الَّذي تَركتِهِ لي مُوارَباً

تَسلَّلَ خَلفي

you had left ajar for me,

he slipped in behind me,

وبعدَ هذا اختَفى

وظَهَرتِ

and after that he disappeared

and you appeared—

أَنتِ .

/

you.

/

يا اللَّه الآنَ أَذكُر

كُنتِ كُلَّما ولَجتُكِ

Oh God, now I remember:

whenever I entered you,

تَموئين .

/

you would meow.

/

دَمُكِ حَليب

ولَحمُكِ تُفَّاح

Your blood is milk

and your flesh is apples,

لَكِنِّي يَوماً لَمَحتُ

تَحتَ نَظرتِكِ

but one day I glimpsed

beneath your gaze

أَنياب .

/

fangs.

/

إذا غافَلتُهُ

وقَفَزتُ على ظَهرِهِ

If I catch him off guard

and leap onto his back,

أَبغي

ولَو للَحظَةٍ

seeking

if only for a moment

رُكوبَه

بَعدَ هَزَّةٍ أَو هَزَّتَين

to ride him,

after a shake or two

يَقلِبُني وبِحوافِرِه

يَدوسُني .

he flips me over, and with his hooves

tramples me.

/

وإذا أَطعَمتُهُ بيَدي

/

And if I feed him with my hand,

يأكُلُ

ويَعَضُّ يَدي

he eats

and bites my hand.

وإذا خَطَرَ لي

أَن أُلَقِّمَهُ الطَّعامَ

And if it occurs to me

to put food into his mouth

بِفَمي

يَفتَحُ فَمَه

with my mouth,

he opens his mouth

ويَنهَشُ

فَمي .

and tears into

my mouth.

/

كَيفَ أُفهِمُكِ هذا‍ !

/

How can I make you understand this!

مَرَّةً اِستَلَلتُ

سِكِّيني

Once I drew

my knife

ورُحتُ أَطعُنُه

وأَنا أَقولُ لِنَفسي

and began stabbing him,

while saying to myself:

حتَّى وإن طَعَنتُّهُ

وطَعَنتُّهُ

even if I stab him

and stab him

وطَعَنتُّهُ

فإنِّي لا أَعني

and stab him,

then I do not mean

حَتماً

أُريدُ

necessarily

that I want

قَتلَه ..

to kill him...