اللهُGod أكبرُgreatest فيin منارِthe minaret of الجامعِthe congregational mosque
اللهُ أكبرُ في منارِ الجامعِ
منfrom سبتةٍCeuta تأذينَthe call to prayer of عبدa servant خاشعhumble
من سبتةٍ تأذينَ عبد خاشع
God is greatest, from the great mosque's minaret
God is Great in the minaret of the mosque
in Ceuta—the call of a humble servant.
From Sabtah the call of a humble worshipper
اللهُGod أكبرُgreatest للصلاةfor prayer أقيمُهاI perform it
اللهُ أكبرُ للصلاة أقيمُها
بينamong الصفوفِthe rows منof البلاطِthe paved courtyard الواسعِspacious
بين الصفوفِ من البلاطِ الواسعِ
God is greatest; I perform the prayer
God is Great, I establish the call to prayer
among the rows in the spacious paved court.
Between the rows from the vast courtyard
اللهُGod أكبرgreatest مُحرماًentering prayer وموجهاًand turning
اللهُ أكبر مُحرماً وموجهاً
وجهيmy face إلىtoward ربيmy Lord بقلبwith a heart خاشعhumble
وجهي إلى ربي بقلب خاشع
God is greatest, as I enter prayer and turn
God is Great as I enter the state of ihram
my face toward my Lord with a humble heart.
And turn my face to my Lord with a humble heart
الحمدُpraise للّهto God السلامُpeace عليكمُupon you all
الحمدُ للّه السلامُ عليكمُ
آمينamen لاdo not تفتحopen لكلِّto every مخادعِdeceiver
آمين لا تفتح لكلِّ مخادعِ
Praise be to God; peace be upon you.
Thanks be to God, peace be upon you
Amen! Do not open your door to every deceiver.
Amen, do not open the door to every deceiver
إنّindeed النساءَthe women خدعننيdeceived me ومَكَرْنَand they schemed بيagainst me
إنّ النساءَ خدعنني ومَكَرْنَ بي
وملأنَand they filled منwith ذكرmention of النساءِwomen مسامعيmy ears
وملأنَ من ذكر النساءِ مسامعي
The women deceived me and plotted against me,
Women have certainly deceived me and plotted against me
and filled my ears with talk of women,
And filled my hearing with talk of women
حتىuntil وقعتُI fell وماand not وقعتُI fell لجانبonto a side
حتى وقعتُ وما وقعتُ لجانب
لكنْbut علىupon رأسيmy head لأمرbecause of a matter واقعِbound to happen
لكنْ على رأسي لأمر واقعِ
until I fell—not upon my side,
Until I fell, and I did not fall to the side
but upon my head, through what was bound to happen.
Rather on my head due to what has happened
واللّهِby God ماnot كانتthere was إليهfor it ضرورةany necessity
واللّهِ ما كانت إليه ضرورة
لكنَّbut أمرَthe decree of اللّهGod دونَwithout مُدافعِany repeller
لكنَّ أمرَ اللّه دونَ مُدافعِ
By God, there was no need for it,
By God, I had no need for her
but none can avert God's decree.
But the command of God is without a defender
فخطبْنَso they sought a bride ليfor me فيin بيتِa house of حُسنٍbeauty قلنَthey said ليto me
فخطبْنَ لي في بيتِ حُسنٍ قلنَ لي
وكذبنَand they lied بلْrather هوَit is بيتa house of قبحٍugliness شائعِwidespread
وكذبنَ بلْ هوَ بيت قبحٍ شائعِ
They sought me a bride in a house of beauty, they said—
So they proposed to me in a beautiful house, they told me
and lied: it was a house of notorious ugliness.
And lied! Rather it is an ugly notorious house
بكراًa virgin زعمنthey claimed صغيرةًyoung فيin سنّهاher age
بكراً زعمن صغيرةً في سنّها
حسناءَa beautiful woman تُسفرُshe lifts the veil عنfrom جمالٍbeauty بارعِdazzling
حسناءَ تُسفرُ عن جمالٍ بارعِ
A virgin, they claimed, young in years,
A virgin, young in her age, they claimed
a beauty unveiling a dazzling loveliness.
Beautiful, revealing exceptional beauty
خَوْدa tender maiden لهاshe has شعرٌhair أثيثٌthick حالكٌjet-black
خَوْد لها شعرٌ أثيثٌ حالكٌ
كالليلِlike the night يجلوit clears away عنto reveal صباحٍa dawn ساطعِradiant
كالليلِ يجلو عن صباحٍ ساطعِ
A tender maiden with thick, jet-black hair,
Luxuriant hair, thick and dark
like night revealing a radiant dawn.
Like the night shining with radiant dawn
حوراءُdark-eyed يرتاعُis startled الغزالthe gazelle إذاwhen رنتْshe gazes
حوراءُ يرتاعُ الغزال إذا رنتْ
بجفونwith the eyelids of حشفٍa fawn فيin الخمائلthe thickets راتعِgrazing
بجفون حشفٍ في الخمائل راتعِ
Dark-eyed: the gazelle starts when she gazes
A houri, the gazelle is startled when she moans
with the eyelids of a fawn grazing in the thickets.
With alluring eyelids among the perfect ones
تتلوshe recites الكتابthe Book بغنّةwith nasal resonance وفصاحةٍand eloquence
تتلو الكتاب بغنّة وفصاحةٍ
فيميلُso inclines نحوَtoward الذكرremembrance قلبُthe heart of السامعِthe listener
فيميلُ نحوَ الذكر قلبُ السامعِ
She recites the Book with nasal resonance and eloquence,
She recites the Scripture with melody and eloquence
so the listener's heart inclines toward remembrance.
Inclining the heart of the listener towards the remembrance of God
بسَّامةٌoften smiling عنto reveal لؤلؤpearls متناسقwell-matched
بسَّامةٌ عن لؤلؤ متناسق
منfrom ثغرهاher mouth فيin نظمهits arrangement المتتابعِcontinuous
من ثغرها في نظمه المتتابعِ
Ever smiling, revealing well-matched pearls
A mouth like evenly spaced pearls
from her mouth, strung in an unbroken row.
From her lips in its consistent prose
أنفاسُهاher breaths كالراحlike wine فُضَّwas broken ختامهاits seal
أنفاسُها كالراح فُضَّ ختامها
منfrom بعدafter ماthat خُتمتit was sealed بمسكٍwith musk رائعِexquisite
من بعد ما خُتمت بمسكٍ رائعِ
Her breath is like wine whose seal is broken
Her breath is like perfume whose seal is opened
after it has been sealed with exquisite musk.
After being sealed with fine musk
غيداءَgracefully swaying كالغصنِlike a branch الرطيبsupple إذاwhen مشتshe walks
غيداءَ كالغصنِ الرطيب إذا مشت
ناءَتْshe is weighed down بردفٍby a rump للتعجلto hurrying مانعِa hindrance
ناءَتْ بردفٍ للتعجل مانعِ
Graceful as a supple branch, when she walks,
Swaying like a moist branch when she walks
her hips weigh her down, preventing haste.
Bending with haste that prevents
تخطوshe steps علىon رِجْليthe two feet of حمامةa dove of أيكةa grove
تخطو على رِجْلي حمامة أيكة
مخضوبةhenna-dyed تُصبيshe captivates فؤادthe heart of الخاشعِthe humble worshipper
مخضوبة تُصبي فؤاد الخاشعِ
She steps on the feet of a woodland dove,
She strides like a strong sand grouse
henna-dyed, captivating the humble worshipper's heart.
Dyed, stealing the heart of the humble one
ووصفنَand they described ليto me منof حُسنهاher beauty وجمالهاand her loveliness
ووصفنَ لي من حُسنها وجمالها
ماthat which البعضُa part منهof it يُقيمestablishes عذرَthe excuse of الخالعِone casting off restraint
ما البعضُ منه يُقيم عذرَ الخالعِ
They described to me such beauty and loveliness
And they described to me her beauty and charm
that even a fraction would excuse a libertine.
Some of which would suffice as an excuse for the dissenter
فدنوتُso I drew near واستأمنتُand I sought reassurance بعدafter توحّشshying away
فدنوتُ واستأمنتُ بعد توحّش
وأطاعَand yielded قلبٌa heart لمnot يكنwas بمطاوعِcompliant
وأطاعَ قلبٌ لم يكن بمطاوعِ
So I drew near and sought reassurance after shying away,
So I approached after isolation and gained trust
and a heart that would not yield obeyed.
And a heart obeyed that was not easily obeyed
فحملننيso they took me نحوtoward الوليّthe guardian وجئننيand they brought me
فحملنني نحو الوليّ وجئنني
بالشاهدينwith the two witnesses وجلدand a hide of كبشٍa ram واسعِbroad
بالشاهدين وجلد كبشٍ واسعِ
They took me to her guardian and brought me
And they took me to the guardian and came to me
the two witnesses and a broad ram's hide,
With the witnesses and the skin of a wide sheep
وبغرفةand with a handful منof نافعnāfiʿ seed ('beneficial') لتفاؤلٍfor good luck
وبغرفة من نافع لتفاؤلٍ
واللهِby God عزَّmighty is He وجلَّand majestic ليسit is not بنافعِof any benefit
واللهِ عزَّ وجلَّ ليس بنافعِ
and a handful of nāfiʿ seed, for good luck—
And with a room from Nafe’ - for good omen!
though, by God, mighty and majestic, it was no help.
By God Almighty it brings no good omen
فشرطنَso they stipulated أشراطاًconditions عليَّupon me كثيرةًmany
فشرطنَ أشراطاً عليَّ كثيرةً
ماnot كنتُI was فيin حمليmy undertaking لهاof them بالطائعِwilling
ما كنتُ في حملي لها بالطائعِ
They imposed many conditions upon me,
So they stipulated many conditions for me
which I did not willingly undertake.
That I was not able in my state to consent to
ثمthen انفصلتُI departed وقدand already علمتُI knew بأننيthat I
ثم انفصلتُ وقد علمتُ بأنني
أوثقتI was bound فيaround عنقيmy neck لهاto her بجوامعِwith shackles
أوثقت في عنقي لها بجوامعِ
Then I departed, knowing that I
Then I left when I realized
had been bound to her with shackles round my neck.
That I had tied the strongest knot around my neck for her
وتركننيand they left me يوماًa day وعدنَand they returned وقلنَand they said ليto me
وتركنني يوماً وعدنَ وقلنَ لي
خذbegin فيwith البناءِconsummating the marriage ولاand do not تكنْbe بمدافعِa procrastinator
خذ في البناءِ ولا تكنْ بمدافعِ
They left me for a day, then returned and said,
And they left me one day after promising and told me
'Begin the consummation; do not put it off.
“Go ahead with the wedding, do not hesitate”
واصنعْand hold لهاfor her عرساًa wedding feast ولاand do not تحوجforce recourse إلىto
واصنعْ لها عرساً ولا تحوج إلى
قاضٍa judge عليكagainst you ولاnor وكيلan advocate رافعِbringing suit
قاضٍ عليك ولا وكيل رافعِ
Hold a wedding feast for her, and do not force recourse
“And make a wedding celebration without need
to a judge against you, or an advocate bringing suit.'
For a judge over you or an advocating attorney”
فقرعتُso I gnashed سنّيmy teeth عندَat ذاكthat ندامةًin remorse
فقرعتُ سنّي عندَ ذاك ندامةً
ماnot كنتُI would have been لولاif not أنthat خُدعتI was deceived بقارعِone gnashing
ما كنتُ لولا أن خُدعت بقارعِ
I gnashed my teeth then in remorse—
So I knocked out my teeth right then in regret
I would not have done so had I not been deceived.
That I was deceived with such cunning
ولزمننيand they pressed me حتىuntil انفصلتُI departed بموعدٍwith an appointed date
ولزمنني حتى انفصلتُ بموعدٍ
بعدafter اليمينthe oath إلىfor النهارthe day الرابعِfourth
بعد اليمين إلى النهار الرابعِ
They pressed me until I departed with a date agreed,
And it obliged me until I left with an appointed time
after swearing an oath, for the fourth day.
After the oath until the fourth day
فلوso if اننيI طلّقتُhad divorced كنتُI would have been موفقاًfortunate
فلو انني طلّقتُ كنتُ موفقاً
ونفضتُand I would have shaken منfrom ذاكthat النكاحmarriage أصابعيmy fingers
ونفضتُ من ذاك النكاح أصابعي
Had I divorced her, I would have chosen well
If only I had divorced I would have succeeded
and shaken my fingers free of that marriage.
And shaken that marriage from my fingers
لكنْbut طمعتI hoped بأنthat أرىI would see الحسنthe beauty الذيwhich
لكنْ طمعت بأن أرى الحسن الذي
زوّرنthey fabricated ليfor me فدممتُso I condemned سوءَthe baseness of مطامعيmy desires
زوّرن لي فدممتُ سوءَ مطامعي
But I hoped to see the beauty that
But I was greedy to see the beauty
they had fabricated for me; so I condemned my base desires.
They falsely described to me so I ruined my hopes
فنظرتُso I looked فيinto أمرthe matter of البناءconsummation مُعجّلاًhastily
فنظرتُ في أمر البناء مُعجّلاً
وصنعتُand I held عُرساًa wedding feast يالهامِنْoh, what a ...! صانعِorganizer
وصنعتُ عُرساً يالهامِنْ صانعِ
So I hastily attended to the consummation,
So I looked into the matter of the wedding hurriedly
and held a wedding feast—what a host!
And made a celebration - what a maker!
وطمعتُand I hoped أنthat تُجلىshe would be unveiled وأبصرand I might see وجههاher face
وطمعتُ أن تُجلى وأبصر وجهها
وتقرُّand be gladdened عينيmy eye بالهلالby the crescent moon الطالعِrising
وتقرُّ عيني بالهلال الطالعِ
I hoped she would be unveiled and I might see her face,
And I hoped the veil would be lifted and I would see her face
and my eye be gladdened by the rising crescent.
And delight my eye with the rising crescent moon
فذكرنَthen they said ليto me أنthat ليسَis not عادةُthe custom of أهلهاher family
فذكرنَ لي أن ليسَ عادةُ أهلها
جَلْوَunveiling العروسthe bride وتلكand that خدعةُa trick of خادعِa deceiver
جَلْوَ العروس وتلك خدعةُ خادعِ
They told me it was not her family's custom
But they mentioned to me her family has no custom
to unveil the bride—and that was a deceiver's trick.
Of unveiling the bride - and that is the deception of the deceiver
وظننتُand I thought ذاكَthat كماas ذكرنَthey said ولمand not يكنْit was
وظننتُ ذاكَ كما ذكرنَ ولم يكنْ
وحصلتُand I found myself منهbecause of it فيin مقامthe state of الفازعِa frightened man
وحصلتُ منه في مقام الفازعِ
I thought it was as they said, but it was not,
And I thought that what they said was true but it was not
and through it found myself in a state of terror.
And I attained from it at the point of horror
وحملننيand they took me ليلاًat night إلىto دارa house لهاof hers
وحملنني ليلاً إلى دار لها
فيin موضعa place عنfrom كلِّevery خيرgood شاسعِfar removed
في موضع عن كلِّ خير شاسعِ
At night they took me to a house of hers,
And they took me at night to a house of hers
in a place far removed from every good:
In a place far from any good - very spacious
دارa house خرابruined فيin مكانa place موحشdesolate
دار خراب في مكان موحش
ماemphatic particle بينَamong آثارruins هناكَthere بلاقعِbarren
ما بينَ آثار هناكَ بلاقعِ
a ruined house in a desolate place,
A dilapidated house in a frightening place
amid the barren ruins there.
Between ruins, no landmarks visible
فقعدتُso I sat فيin بيتٍa room صغيرsmall مُظلمdark
فقعدتُ في بيتٍ صغير مُظلم
لاno شيءَthing فيهin it سوىexcept حصيرthe mat of الجامعِthe mosque
لا شيءَ فيه سوى حصير الجامعِ
I sat down in a small, dark room
So I sat in a small dark room
with nothing in it but the mosque's mat.
With nothing in it but the mat of the mosque
فسمعتُthen I heard حساًa sound عَنْon شماليmy left مُنكراًstrange
فسمعتُ حساً عَنْ شمالي مُنكراً
وتنحنحاًand throat-clearing يحكيmimicking نقيقَthe croaking of ضفادعِfrogs
وتنحنحاً يحكي نقيقَ ضفادعِ
I heard a strange sound to my left,
Then I heard an unknown sound from my left
and throat-clearing like the croaking of frogs.
And a cough that imitates the croaking of frogs
فأردتُso I wanted أنto أنجوescape بنفسيwith my life هارباًfleeing
فأردتُ أن أنجو بنفسي هارباً
ووثبتُand I leapt عندat البابthe door وثبةَthe leap of جازعِa frightened man
ووثبتُ عند الباب وثبةَ جازعِ
I wanted to escape with my life, fleeing,
So I wanted to escape with myself fleeing
and sprang to the door with a frightened man's leap.
And I leapt at the door, a leap of dread
فلقيتهنَthen I met them وقدand already أتينَthey had come بجذوةٍwith a firebrand
فلقيتهنَ وقد أتينَ بجذوةٍ
فرددننيso they turned me back وحبسننيand they detained me بمجامعِwith firm grips
فرددنني وحبسنني بمجامعِ
I met them as they came with a glowing brand;
But I met them as they had brought an ember
they turned me back and held me in their clutches.
They returned me and imprisoned me with mosques
ودخلنَand they entered بيwith me للبيتinto the room واستجلسننيand they made me sit
ودخلنَ بي للبيت واستجلسنني
فجلستُso I sat كالمقرورlike one chilled يومon a day of زعازعِgales
فجلستُ كالمقرور يوم زعازعِ
They led me into the room and made me sit,
And they entered me into the house and made me sit
and I sat like one shivering with cold on a day of gales.
So I sat like a docile one on days of turmoil
وأشرنَand they pointed ليto me نحوtoward السماءthe sky وقُلنَand they said ليto me
وأشرنَ لي نحو السماء وقُلنَ لي
هذيthis زويبعةُZuwaybiʿah (Little Whirlwind) وبنتand daughter of زوابعِwhirlwinds
هذي زويبعةُ وبنت زوابعِ
They pointed toward the sky and said to me,
And they gestured towards the sky and told me:
'This is Zuwaybiʿah, daughter of whirlwinds.
“This is Zuwaybah and daughter of tempests”
هذيthis خليلتُكyour beloved التيwhom زوجتهاyou married her
هذي خليلتُك التي زوجتها
فاجلسso sit هناhere معهاwith her ليومuntil the day السابعِseventh
فاجلس هنا معها ليوم السابعِ
This is your beloved, whom you have married;
“This is your fiancée that you married
sit here with her until the seventh day.
So sit here with her until the seventh day”
وتهنأand enjoy النُّعمىthe blessing التيwhich خولتهاyou were granted it
وتهنأ النُّعمى التي خولتها
فلقدْfor indeed حصلتَyou have come علىupon رياضٍgardens يانعِflourishing
فلقدْ حصلتَ على رياضٍ يانعِ
Enjoy the blessing you have been granted,
“And congratulations for the blessing which you have attained
for you have gained flourishing gardens.'
You have certainly obtained blooming gardens”
فنظرتُso I looked نحوtoward خليلتيmy beloved متأملاًexamining closely
فنظرتُ نحو خليلتي متأملاً
فوجدتُهاso I found her محجوبةًconcealed ببراقعِbehind face-veils
فوجدتُها محجوبةً ببراقعِ
I looked toward my beloved, studying her,
So I looked at my fiancée closely
and found her concealed behind veils.
And I found her veiled with coverings
وأتيتُهاand I approached her وأردتُand I wanted نزعremoval of خمارهاher head-covering
وأتيتُها وأردتُ نزع خمارها
فغدتْthen she began تدافعنيrepelling me بجدٍwith earnestness وازعِrestraining
فغدتْ تدافعني بجدٍ وازعِ
I approached her and tried to remove her head-covering,
And I approached her wanting to remove her veil
but she began resisting me with forceful resolve.
But she defended herself seriously and prevented me
فوجأتُهاso I struck her فيin صدرهاher chest ونزعتهand I pulled it off
فوجأتُها في صدرها ونزعته
وكشفتُand I uncovered هامتهاher crown بغيظwith rage صارعِoverpowering
وكشفتُ هامتها بغيظ صارعِ
I struck her in the chest and pulled it off,
So I overpowered her and uncovered
and bared her head in overpowering rage.
Her brow by force like a wrestling champion
فوجدتُهاso I found her قرعاءَbald تحسبُyou would think أنهاthat she
فوجدتُها قرعاءَ تحسبُ أنها
مقروعةُbeaten فيon رأسهاher head بمقارعِwith mallets
مقروعةُ في رأسها بمقارعِ
I found her bald—you would think she had been
And I found her light-skinned, as if she is
beaten upon the head with mallets.
Struck on her head with a bludgeon
حولاءcross-eyed تنظرُshe sees قرنهاher temple فيin ساقهاher shin
حولاء تنظرُ قرنها في ساقها
فتخالهاso you would think her مبهوتةdumbstruck فيin الشارعِthe street
فتخالها مبهوتة في الشارعِ
Cross-eyed, she sees her temple down at her shin,
Cross-eyed, she looks at her horn in her leg
so you would think her dumbstruck in the street.
Imagining herself standing amazed in the street
فطساءَflat-nosed تحجوyou suppose أنthat روثةَthe tip of أنفهاher nose
فطساءَ تحجو أن روثةَ أنفها
قطعتhad been cut off فلاso may not شلّتbe withered يمينthe right hand of القاطعِthe cutter
قطعت فلا شلّت يمين القاطعِ
Flat-nosed: you would think the tip of her nose
So I found her with a snub nose, and she claims
had been cut off—may the cutter's right hand never wither!
Its cut off piece did not favor the severing witness
صماءَdeaf تُدْعىshe is called بالبريحwith shouting وتارةًand sometimes
صماءَ تُدْعى بالبريح وتارةً
بالطبلِwith a drum أوor يؤتىare brought لهاto her بمقامعِclubs
بالطبلِ أو يؤتى لها بمقامعِ
Deaf, she is called to with shouting, and sometimes
Deaf, she is called “Breeze” and sometimes
with a drum, or clubs are brought to her.
“Drum” or a mallet is brought to her
بكماءَmute إنif رامتshe attempts كلاماًspeech صوّتتْshe cries out
بكماءَ إن رامت كلاماً صوّتتْ
تصويتَthe cry of معزىgoats نحوtoward جديa kid راضعِsuckling
تصويتَ معزى نحو جدي راضعِ
Mute: if she tries to speak, she cries
Mute - if she wants to speak she bellows
like goats bleating toward a suckling kid.
The bellowing of a billy goat toward its milking nanny
عرجاءَlame إنif قامتْshe rises تُعالجshe struggles with مشيهاher walking
عرجاءَ إن قامتْ تُعالج مشيها
أبصرتyou see مشيةthe gait of ضالعone limping أوor خامعِone hobbling
أبصرت مشية ضالع أو خامعِ
Lame: when she rises and struggles to walk,
Lame - if she stands she remedies her walk
you see the gait of one limping or hobbling.
You would see the walk of a limping or blinker
فلقيتهاso I faced her وجعلتُand I began أبصقُI spit نحوهاtoward her
فلقيتها وجعلتُ أبصقُ نحوها
وأفرُّand I flee نحوtoward دُجىdarkness وغيثand rain هامعِpouring
وأفرُّ نحو دُجى وغيث هامعِ
I faced her and began spitting toward her,
So I faced her and started spitting at her
and fled into darkness and pouring rain,
And fleeing into darkness and pouring rain
حيرانَbewildered أعدوI run فيin الزقاقِthe alley كأننيas though I were
حيرانَ أعدو في الزقاقِ كأنني
لصٌa thief أحسَّwho senses بطالبa pursuer أوor تابعِsomeone following
لصٌ أحسَّ بطالب أو تابعِ
bewildered, racing through the alley as though I were
Lost, running in the alley as if I were
a thief sensing a pursuer or someone on his trail,
A thief who sensed a pursuer or follower
حتىuntil إذاwhen لاحَappeared الصباحُthe morning وفتحواand they opened
حتى إذا لاحَ الصباحُ وفتحوا
بابَthe gate of المدينةthe city كنتُI was أولthe first كاسعِone setting off
بابَ المدينة كنتُ أول كاسعِ
until, when dawn appeared and they opened
Until when dawn broke and they opened
the city gate, I was the first to set out.
The city gate, I was the first fleer
واللّهby God ماليI have no بعدَafter ذاكَthat بأمرهاof her affairs
واللّه مالي بعدَ ذاكَ بأمرها
علمٌknowledge ولاnor بأمورabout the affairs of بيتيmy household الضائعِlost
علمٌ ولا بأمور بيتي الضائعِ
By God, since then, about her affairs
By God, after that I want no knowledge of her affair
I know nothing, nor of my lost household's affairs.
Nor of the matters of my lost household