تخَيَّلْتُ أَنَّي عِشْتُ مِن قَبلُ حِقْبَةً
!
وأَنَّ حَياتي واقِعٌ يَتَكَرَّرُ!
I imagined that I had lived through an age before,
and that my life was a reality repeating itself!
فقد كُنْتُ طَيْراً في الفضاءِ مُحَلَّقاً
!
يَفِىءُ إلى إِلْفٍ به العُشُّ أَخْضَرُ!
For once I was a bird, soaring in the open sky,
returning to a mate with whom the nest flourished!
.
حَنُون. فما تَلْقاه إلاَّ مُغَرِّداً
!
ومِن حَوْلِهِ الأَّشجارُ تُشْذِي وتُثْمرُ!
Tender-hearted—you would find that bird only singing,
while all around it the trees sang and bore fruit!
..
ولكنَّه يَخْشى الجوارحَ تَرتَمي..
. !
عليه . وتَنْقَضُّ انْقِضاضاً يُدَمِّرُ!
Yet it feared the birds of prey hurling themselves...
upon it, swooping in a devastating plunge!
ومَرَّتْ سنُونٌ أو قُرونٌ تَصَرَّمَتْ
. . !
عَلَيَّ. وما أّدرِي. فَإِنِّي مُسَيَّرُ!
Years—or perhaps centuries—passed
over it; I cannot tell, for I am swept onward!
فإِذْ أنا صَقْرٌ في الفضاءِ مُحَوِّمٌ
!
له صَوْلَةٌ مُخْتالَهٌ تَتَبَخْتَرُ!
Then suddenly I was a hawk circling in the sky,
with mighty swoops, swaggering and strutting!
يُفَتَّشُ في أَجْوائِهِ عن فَرِيسَةٍ
!
بلاَ رَحْمَةٍ يَنْقَضُّ ثم يُسَيْطِرُ!
It searched the reaches of the heavens for prey,
then, mercilessly, swooped and flew away!
..
يُصيدُ.. ويَطْوى جُوعَهُ غَيْرَ آبِةٍ
. !
بِشيءٍ. فإَنَّ الصَّيْدَ رِزْقٌ مُقَدَّرُ!
It hunted and stilled its hunger, heedless
of anything—for prey is sustenance ordained!
ويأْوي إلى عُشَّ مُرِيحٍ مُنَعَّم
. !
بأفراخِهِ . وهو الحَصِينُ المُسَوَّرُ!
And it took refuge in a comfortable, luxuriant nest,
with its chicks, secure and fortified within!
وضِقْتُ بهذا العَيْشِ ذَرْعاَ فَرَدَّني
!
قَضائِي إلى ما كنْتُ أَخشى وأَحذَرُ!
I grew utterly weary of this life, and it returned me—
my fate—to what I had feared and shunned!
غَدَوْتُ هِزَبْراً يسْتبِيحُ بِحَوْلهِ
.. !
وقُوَّته ما شاءَ .. يَنْهى وَيأْمُرُ!
I became a lion, ravaging freely by its might,
and by its strength forbidding and commanding whatever it wished!
كما المَلِك الجَبَّار تَعْنو لِحُكْمِهِ
. !
رَعِيَّتُهُ. لو غاصَ في الصَّدْرِ خَنْجَرُ!
Like a tyrannical king, before whose rule
his subjects bow, though a dagger plunge into the breast!
.
له مَأْكَلٌ منهم. لهُ خَيْرُ مَشْرَبٍ
!
وهم طَوْعُ ما يُملي وما يَتَخَيَّرُ!
From them came his food, and from them his finest drink;
they obeyed whatever he dictated and chose!
وقد يَسْتوي ما بَيْنَهُم فَتَرُوهُمْ
!
بَراثِنُ حُمْرٌ تَسْتذِلُّ وتُنْذَرُ!
And should all among them become equal, you would see them
as crimson claws that abase and threaten!
شَقِتُ فَناداني غَدٌ مُتَذَمِّرٌ
!
خَسئْتَ فَبِئْسَ الظَّالِمُ المُتَجَبِّرُ!
I suffered, until a rebellious morrow called to me:
“Begone! Wretched indeed is this tyrannical world!”
فقُلْتُ له مَهْلاَ فإِنِّي لَكارِهٌ
..!
حَياتي فإِني الخاسِرُ المُتَبَطَّرُ..!
I answered it, “Wait—for I loathe
my life; I am the wanton loser!”
وأَسْدُرُ في غَيِّ الحياة وأَرْعَوي
.. !
فَاَبْكِي.. وتَطْوِيني رُؤاها وتَنْشُرُ!
I plunged blindly into life's delusion, then came to my senses;
I wept, while its visions folded and unfolded me!
وإنِّي على ما كانَ مِنِّي لَنادِمٌ
. ؟!
فهل ندمِي يُجْدي.ويُجْدي التَّدَبُّرُ؟!
Indeed, for what had come from me,
I was remorseful—but will remorse or reflection avail?!
.. .
فقال .. بَلى . إنَّ التَّدَبُّرَ نِعْمَةٌ
. .. !
عَلَيْكَ. وقد يَتْلُو.. فَيَهْدِي التَبصُّرُ!
It said, “Yes. Reflection is a blessing
upon you, and insight may follow, guiding you!”
وأَغْضَيْتُ لا أّدْرِي أَقَرْناً صَرَمْتُهُ
.. ..!
وإلاَّ قُروناً .. ثم كانَ التَّغَيُّرُ..!
I closed my eyes, not knowing whether an age had passed over me,
or centuries—then came the transformation!
..
فَألْفَيْتُنِيِ ظَبْياً غريراً .. وظَئْرُهُ
. !
بِجانِبي . فارتْاحَ مِنَّي التَّصَوُّرُ!
I found myself a guileless slave, with his donkey
beside me; then imagination within me came to rest!
ولكِنَّني أَحْسَسْتُ خَوْفاً مُمَزَّقاً
. !
حَشاي . ولَوْلا الله ما كنْتُ أَصْبِرُ!
But I felt a fear tearing apart
my innermost heart—and but for God, I could not have endured!
فَلِلًّهِ ذِئْبٌ مُشْرَئِبٌ لِصَيْدِهِ
!
ولّلِه ما يَلقى من الذَّئْبِ جُؤْذَرُ!
What a wolf, craning toward its prey!
And what a fawn endures in the wolf's jaws!
ولكِنَّني رَغْمَ الرَّدى كنْتُ راضِياَ
. !
بضَعْفي. فَكَمْ أَشقى ودَمَّرَ عَنْتَرُ!
Yet, despite death, I was content
in my weakness—for how many has Antarah made wretched and destroyed!
.
وشاءَتْ مقاديري نَجاتي. ورُبَّما
. !
نجا الضَّعْفُ مِن كِسْرى. وحاباهُ قَيْصرُ!
My fates willed my deliverance; perhaps
the weak escape a Khosrow, and a Caesar grants them favor!
قُرُونٌ مَضَتْ ثم انْتَهَتْ بي لِصَحْوَةٍ
.. !
مُغاضِبَةٍ.. تُبْدِي الأُمورَ وتَسْتُرُ!
Ages passed, then brought me at last to an awakening,
angry and indignant, revealing some things and concealing others!
تراءى بها رُوحي العَجيبُ وهَيْكَلي
!
كما كانَ إنساناً بَراهُ التَّطَوُّرُ!
There appeared within it my wondrous spirit and my bodily frame,
as though evolution had fashioned it a human being!
.
فَأَطْرَقْتُ ما أَدرِي. أَأَرْبِحُ بالَّذِي
؟ !
رَجَعْتُ إليه اليَوْمَ؟أَو سوْف أَخْسَرُ!
I bowed my head, not knowing whether I would profit by that
to which I returned today, or whether I would lose!
أَرى في حَناياي الضَّلالةَ والهُدى
..!
خَصِيمَيْنِ من سَيْفَيْهما أَتَقَطَّرُ..!
Within the recesses of error and guidance I saw
two adversaries; from both their swords I drip blood!
..
تَحَيَّرتُ ..أَطْواري العَدِيدَةْ كُلُّها
. !
سلامٌ وحَرْبٌ. نَعَجَةٌ وغَضَنْفَرُ!
All my many transformations became confounded:
peace and war, a ewe and a lion!
..
وأَنْكِرُ مِنْها حَالَتَيْها.. وأَنْثْني
!
وقد مَسَّ أَعْصابِي الوَنى والتَّوَتُّرُ!
I rejected both their states and turned away,
my nerves touched by weariness and tension!
فأَيُّ سَبِيلَهْا أَنُوءُ بِكَلْكَلٍ
. ..!
إذا سرْتُ فِيه . شَدَّ ما أَتَحَسَّرُ..!
Beneath which of their paths shall I toil, heavily burdened?
Whichever I travel, how bitterly I regret it!
لقد كانَ يَلْوي من خُطاي تَرَدّدِي
!
وعادَ فألوى من خُطايَ التَّهَوُّرُ!
Once hesitation twisted my footsteps aside;
now recklessness has twisted them aside again!
وأَتْخَمنَي مِن بَعْد مَخْمَصتي الغِنى
!
ومِن بَعْد فَقْرِي نالَ مِنِّي التَّضَوُّرُ!
Wealth glutted me after starvation,
and after poverty ravenous hunger overcame me!
.
كفَانيِ من العَيْش الرَّضِيَّ. وَضِدَّهِ
!
كَفاني وإنْ لم يَسْتَذِلَّ التَّعَثُّرُ!
Enough of the suckling's life—and of its opposite;
enough, though stumbling has not been made tractable!
متى أَهْتَدِي لِلرُّشْدِ دُونَ غِوايَةٍ
؟!
وأَحْظى بِوِرْدٍ حِينَما شِئْتُ أَصْدُرُ؟!
When shall I be guided to rectitude, free of error,
and reach a watering place from which I may depart whenever I wish?!
متى قَلِقِي هذا يَعودُ سِكِينَةً
؟!
فَأَرْتَدُّ مِنْها بالحقيقةِ أَجْهَرُ؟!
When shall this anxiety of mine return to calm,
so that I emerge from it proclaiming the truth aloud?!
لقد كنْتُ قَبْلَ اليَوْم أَهْدى تَفَكَّرا
؟!
فما لي بهذا اليَوْمِ لا أتفكَّرُ؟!
Before today, I was better guided in my reflection;
what is wrong with me today, that I do not reflect?!
Sol 5.6